FINISH LINE: Answer me this, Tiger
Tiger Woods has been issued a $164 ticket and already paid the fine (see page C2) for his car’s dalliance with a fire hydrant and tree last week. But San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler isn’t satisfied.
Ostler writes: “We know Tiger Woods ... credits wife, Elin Nordegren, with ‘courageously’ hacking him from the Escalade wreckage with a golf club. But many questions remain, including:
“What is this going to do to Tiger’s car-insurance rates?
“Though many discredit the National Enquirer, if you were Elin, how casually would you dismiss the Enquirer’s eyewitness report that Rachel Uchitel checked into the same Melbourne hotel as your Tiger and took an elevator to the 35th floor, where your hubby had a luxury suite?
“Would even my ultra-trustful wife chuckle and say, “Buster, you’re lucky it’s only the National Enquirer!”?
“Can you believe that 911 call from a neighbor? With Tiger’s wealth and love of privacy, he has a neighbor?
“Is Woods skipping his own tournament in California this week because he doesn’t want to be around so many trees?
“How happy is Buick that it recently dropped Woods as an endorser?
“Did one of Tiger’s supportive fans invent a new word when writing on Woods’ Web site, “Tiger, this is just another example of the MEDIA exploiding someone famous.” So we’re exploiting Woods until he’s exploding?
“Hit a fire hydrant ... hit a tree ... escape from dire peril thanks to crazed flailing and hacking with a club. Isn’t it crazy how this matches the description of my most recent round of golf?
“While playing in San Francisco recently, Woods denied reports that he’s a billionaire, saying, “First of all, I’m not.” But if he winds up in a divorce, and it’s as messy as Step One has been, won’t Tiger be lucky to emerge as a thousandaire?
“If Woods continues to whitewash the incident, the whole mess will just go away. Right?”
“Mr. Woods’ minor injuries are not consistent with somebody beating up somebody with a 9-iron.”
— Bill Sharpe
The lawyer for Tiger Woods’ next-door neighbors, who said Mrs. Woods was ministering to the pro golfer after the accident, asked them to bring blankets and showed no anger or signs of a conflict.
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