I, Caramba

Your tour guide for the vast cultural wasteland: Television networks are wrapping up various series with final episodes for the season, including “Hawaii Five-0,” “Missing” and “The Simpsons,” which concludes its 23rd season.

If you haven’t watched “The Simpsons” recently, Homer and Marge have retired to Springfield, Nev., Bart is now principal of the elementary school, Lisa is an unemployed musician, and Maggie is a mime living in Paris.

—

Plants will need watering: County Council Chairman Brian Sullivan said he’s been asked by the state Democratic Party and has agreed to run for the one-month vacancy in Congress created by the resignation of U.S. Rep. Jay Inslee, D-AWOL.

Whoever wins the position will be paid about $15,000 and enjoy all the privileges accorded a member of Congress, including a 14 percent approval rating and a busted chair in Inslee’s old office.

—

Zits and all: Teenage girls recently protested in front of the offices of Seventeen magazine, demanding that it stop running unrealistic “Photoshopped” pictures of models that can make girls feel inadaquate if they don’t measure up to the models).

Relieved they no longer had to strive for perfection, teen models across the nation stopped sucking in their guts and obsessing about their skin and ordered a double cheeseburger.

—