Pithy, fun messages from above

A couple of years ago, while roaming the Internet, I came across an article listing a number of billboard and church announcement board messages that had shown up around the country.

Many were humorous. Most were pithy. All were signed, simply, “God.”

I thought that the best of the bunch was the one that said, “Miracles? I haven’t given up on you yet. Will that do?” That one, for me, hit pretty close to home.

What brought me to this column was that (poor sentence structure here, bear with me), while driving the other day, I saw a local church announcement board with a similar message on it. Seeing it got me thinking and, when I got home, I started an Internet search for more of the same.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

Results weren’t long in coming nor were more such messages hard to find. And, so, here are a few examples of the “messages” that I came across. Enjoy.

“Is it really going to take six strong men to get you in here?”

“Yes, I made those people too. No, I don’t make mistakes.”

“Sit in demonstration 11:00 AM this Sunday. Can I count on you?”

“OK. And just who lit the fuse for the Big Bang?”

“I could stop the shootings, but I’m not allowed in schools any more.”

“I’ll only say this one more time. My last name is not ‘Damn.’”

“If you’re ever so scared that you’re trembling, kneel down. I’ll be right there.”

“I put the instructions on two tablets. Did you lose them?”

“That ‘love thy neighbor’ thing — I meant it.”

“I’ll be back. That’s a promise.”

“Keep an eye on the kids. They’re kind of special to me.”

“Don’t make me come down there.”

“What’s it going to take for me to get your attention?”

“If I’d wanted men and women to be exactly the same, I could’ve stopped with Adam.”

“Coincidences? Nah. I just wanted to remain anonymous.”

“Helped anyone lately? I’m keeping track.”

“You’re right. We were pretty far apart, but it wasn’t me who’d moved.”

“And just who said that hating anyone was OK?”

“I never doubted your existence.”

“I’m not sure I like what you’ve done to my planet.”

“Yep, I wrote those books too. I just used different pen names.”

“When the ‘Big One’ happens, I’ll bet they lift the ban on prayer in public places.”

“If you’re looking for a sign from me, this is it.”

“Have you studied my book? There will be a final exam and I’m a tough grader.”

“Perseverance. That’s how the snails made it to the Ark.”

“You think it’s hot here?”

“Keep using my name in vain and I’ll make rush hour longer.”

“I know a great book that’ll scare the hell out of you.”

“Help wanted. Hard work. Long hours. Low pay. Out of this world retirement benefits.

“Of course I allow U-turns. Especially if you’re on the wrong road.”

“You bet I answer to other names.”

“Being judgmental isn’t bad. I’ve set an entire day aside for it.”

“My Sundays are better than the ones at Baskin-Robbins.”

And a final one that still has me wondering about the sermon that came later:

“Dandelions. Whatever was I thinking?”

Larry Simoneaux lives in Edmonds. Send comments to: larrysim@comcast.net

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Opinion

editoons
Editorial cartoons for Saturday, March 29

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Everett mayor Cassie Franklin delivers her State of the City address on Friday, March 28 in Everett, Washington. (Will Geschke / The Herald)
Editorial: The state of Everett amid the state of play

In her state of the city speech, Mayor Cassie Franklin makes the case for optimism amid dark clouds.

Comment: State Senate Democrats’ tax plan built on fantasy

It takes chances with tax increases that could cost jobs and burden property taxpayers.

Comment: Women shouldn’t stay quiet about menopause and more

Providers and women themselves must speak up to assure better care for a range of health issues.

Comment: What does South County Fire owe Edmonds taxpayers?

A portion of aid car fees were to be provided to the city. What does this mean for the RFA vote?

Forum: Celebrate with Everett VFW as organization’s year wraps

Its Spring Fling is set for April 5 with the post again in the running for VFW’s All-American Award.

Forum: Washington students’ math scores don’t add up to success

How can the state be fifth in spending in the U.S. but have so many students struggling in tests?

toon
Editorial cartoons for Friday, March 28

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Genna Martin / The Herald
Piles of wires, motherboards and other electronic parts fill boxes at E-Waste Recycling Center, Thursday. 
Photo taken 1204014
Editorial: Right to repair win for consumers, shops, climate

Legislation now in the Senate would make it easier and cheaper to fix smartphones and other devices.

The Buzz: Don’t mind me; I’m just waiting quietly for a scoop

BZ, here. No one you need to worry about; just go ahead with your chat about classified, top secret stuff.

Schwab: Everywhere one looks, bullying, denial, illegal acts

This is how a democracy is dismantled if the good do not associate, as Edmund Burke advised.

Back Everett mayor and the Navy bases

I understand some wise-cracker has made stickers mocking Everett Mayor and Sound… Continue reading

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.