What’s secret to entertaining with tots?

  • By Carolyn Hax
  • Monday, July 28, 2014 12:50pm
  • Life

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I know a number of parents of toddlers, preschoolers and babies who travel frequently and entertain at home, and they use words like “fun” and “relaxing” to describe their experiences. I, on the other hand, end up feeling so stressed.

Entertaining at home, I’m conscious of how annoyed visitors can get sharing a dwelling with walking germ factories, having to observe nap-time quiet or curbing grown-up TV-watching. And at other people’s homes I feel so drained making the best of an environment that may be far from child-friendly. What am I going to do, tell folks they can’t navigate their own house?

I am so relieved when it’s over. But I don’t want to limit my kids’ worlds by never leaving our house or inviting overnight guests. So what’s the secret to these parents who travel, entertain and host with such happy abandon?

— Kids in Tow

I think the answer is there in your question, if you sew the pieces together into a little quilt with crusty applesauce on it.

Hosting goes well when your guests buy into the limitations (and joys) of staying among little kids. Visiting goes well when your hosts buy in to the limitations (and joys) of hosting little kids. Both go better when you’re game. And it can really, cosmically suck when you’ve got a guest or host who thinks everything should stay the way adults like it and little kids should need only to be told “no” once.

There are ways to make hostile environments less so that won’t leave you stressed (which, as you probably already know, only exacerbates any discomfort you or your guests feel). For hosting, I suggest you be as transparent as you can upfront: “Pookie gets over-excited when guests are here, so apologies in advance if there’s a scene”; or, “Pookie needs about a half-hour to fall into a good sleep, but after that we don’t need to tiptoe around.”

Setting realistic expectations actually accomplishes two things: It sets your guests’ expectations at a realistic level, and it also lets them know that you aren’t under the illusion that everyone should be overjoyed to be around small kids. I think that wears people down faster than anything — the idea that they, your inconvenienced guests/hosts, are supposed to be just as enchanted as you are by your Pookie. Letting them know you get that can soften people toward cooperating.

As for visiting child-unfriendly places, I have basically a two-tiered suggestion: (1) When the environment is welcoming but not child-ready, BYO coping strategies: favorite foods, toys, media, safety gear (playpen, baby gates … ). (2) When the environment is not welcoming, stay in a hotel — locale and finances permitting, of course. They’re largely kid-proof, plus they allow you and your host to take a deep breath between rounds of togetherness.

When in doubt, communicate: Ask what people expect and be clear about what you provide.

Re: Kids:

I think this deserves an additional “don’t judge yourself by other people.” Maybe it is easy for them, or maybe they are putting up a good front. But you don’t have to like it if it doesn’t work for you.

— Anonymous

So true, thanks. There are too many variables for comparisons to work.

(c) 2014, Washington Post Writers Group

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Brandon Hailey of Cytrus, center, plays the saxophone during a headlining show at Madam Lou’s on Friday, Dec. 29, 2023 in Seattle, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Lynnwood-based funk octet Cytrus has the juice

Resilience and brotherhood take center stage with ‘friends-first’ band.

FILE - In this April 11, 2014 file photo, Neko Case performs at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Fire investigators are looking for the cause of a fire on Monday, Sept. 18, 2017, that heavily damaged Case’s 225-year-old Vermont home. There were no injuries, though a barn was destroyed. It took firefighters two hours to extinguish the blaze. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP, File)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Singer-songwriter Neko Case, an indie music icon from Tacoma, performs Sunday in Edmonds.

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli
Tangier’s market boasts piles of fruits, veggies, and olives, countless varieties of bread, and nonperishables, like clothing and electronics.
Rick Steves on the cultural kaleidoscope of Tangier in Morocco

Walking through the city, I think to myself, “How could anyone be in southern Spain — so close — and not hop over to experience this wonderland?”

chris elliott.
Vrbo promised to cover her rental bill in Hawaii, so why won’t it?

When Cheryl Mander’s Vrbo rental in Hawaii is uninhabitable, the rental platform agrees to cover her new accommodations. But then it backs out. What happened?

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.