A collection of bad decisions — set in ink

I know a lot of people with really cool tattoos. Loved ones’ names, inspirational poems, religious symbols, your Girl Scout camp counselor symbol etched on your ankle; these markings I totally appreciate.

Recently Andrea Brown wrote an article called “Tattoos showing up on older folks’ skin” about how tattoos have increased in popularity to the point that retirees are sporting fresh ink.

But none of that means there aren’t a lot of dumb tattoos out there. So if you’re a parent arguing with your teenager about whether or not she can get a tattoo, this column’s for you.

I got an eyeful this summer while I guarded towels at Slide Waters in Lake Chelan. Clearly we’re just a few decades away from a lot of perky butterflies turning into terrifying pterodactyls.

Seated on my beach blanket I spotted more than a few questionable decisions.

First there was the woman with a massive car logo on her back with the name of the brand written underneath in fancy script. Now, I love American-made automobiles as much as the next gal but that doesn’t mean I’d want to be a permanent billboard for Detroit. Shouldn’t they be paying her commission?

Another oddity was the muscular man with a doodlepalooza on his chest plus “Big Nate” etched on his arm. I wondered if Nathanial knew that Big Nate is the titular character in my son’s favorite series of graphic novels as well as a comic strip. I couldn’t tell if the reference was intentional or not.

Some of the tattoos I saw were pretty impressive, like the gentleman who looked like Willie Nelson and had profiles of the Rolling Stones tattooed on his shoulder. There was also a dad with what looked like markings straight out of “Sons of Anarchy.”

But there were an awful lot of green blobs covered with man hair.

At this point my husband noticed that I was staring at every man that passed. He asked me what I was doing.

“What do you think I’m doing?” I said. “I’m writing my column.”

So then to be fair, he got to start checking out the ladies.

My husband’s favorite was the woman with giant wings sprouting from tiny bikini bottoms.

“You’re supposed to be looking for ugly tattoos,” I snarled.

“I was appreciating her wit,” my husband said. “She’s flying by the seat of her pants.”

“Well, how about that?” I pointed to a woman with bugs all over her.

My husband took a look. “I think those are supposed to be scarabs,” he said. “I like Egyptology.”

Clearly beauty is in the eye of the beholder, especially when it comes to tattoos.

Then, when we got up to leave, I encountered my own hubris. My blue pen had melted into the sunscreen on my legs giving me the ugliest ink ever.

Thankfully, when we got home it was easy to wash off.