It’s been almost three years since Kristi O’Harran retired from The Herald, leaving readers without her hilarious takes on the finer things in life — Cheez Whiz, reality TV, and her personal road map for Black Friday shopping.
For me, the fun of reading and laughing through many of her columns was that I just didn’t get any of it.
I have never tasted Cheez Whiz. Unlike Kristi, I never sat down to catch an episode of “Bridalplasty” on E! I have never ordered a Today’s Special Value from the QVC shopping network, or spent a week in Vegas.
And honest to goodness, I have never set an alarm to shop in the wee hours after Thanksgiving dinner.
As much as we adored working together, Kristi and I weren’t exactly in harmony on these kinds of cultural topics. Still, we have much more in common than not. I miss our workday chats, mostly about kids and grandkids.
One thing hasn’t changed since she retired in December 2011: Kristi remains the reigning queen of Black Friday.
A few days before Thanksgiving, I called her at home in Mill Creek to catch up on her retail action plan.
“I don’t have my ads yet,” she said. “My main thing is getting those ads on Thursday morning — that’s your bible. You have to spend a lot of time picking your stores, what products you want, and what times.”
Figuring out her strategy rivals sitting down to a turkey dinner. No one is more devoted to family than Kristi, who said earlier this week she planned to celebrate Thanksgiving in Seattle with her son, Brody. In the years she hosts Thanksgiving, she prepares a minimalist meal, saving time and energy for the shopping expedition to come.
“When I do cook, it’s turkey and spuds and buns — and then out the door. Maybe some frozen corn. Those are the main things you want for leftovers,” she said.
It’s an O’Harran tradition to race first to a JCPenney store, where for years Disney snow globes have been handed out as Black Friday freebies. Her Penney’s snow globe collection dates back to 2001. “The early ones are going for 40 bucks on eBay,” she said. “There’s a stack at each door. It’s kind of sad, most people don’t even go in the stores. They run in, grab and go.”
Shoppers will find out whether snow globe supplies last until Black Friday morning, since JCPenney stores were among those open Thanksgiving afternoon.
Kristi isn’t opposed to Thanksgiving Day shopping, but that was iffy this year. Many stores opening on the holiday had hours coinciding with Thursday’s Seahawks-49ers game in San Francisco. In the O’Harran household, Seahawks trump sales.
“I’m not saying I won’t shop on Thanksgiving — after the Hawks game,” she said earlier this week.
More likely, she planned to head out around 2 a.m. “to do the big hoo-hoo on Friday morning.” In the past she was accompanied by her husband, Chuck. This year it will be her daughter, Kati, and 10-year-old granddaughter, Kelbi. “It’s a girl thing,” she said.
“Kati and I try to pick one store. You wait two hours outside to get in. Last year, I got in the checkout line. We take turns, shopping and holding space in line,” she said.
She plans to drive right past a big box store near her home after being squashed there several years ago. “The crowd lifted me off my feet, and I was pushed along. It was truly scary,” she said. Even while crowd surfing, she managed to reach out and grab two Barbies.
“Honestly, I’m only shopping for my granddaughters,” she said. “It’s the thrill of the chase. It might be a muffler with matching gloves, not a big-ticket item. Everybody’s scooting around at 2 in the morning, everybody’s happy. People will have gravy on their shirts. It’s kind of a hoot.”
Her last stop is Fred Meyer, where in years past she has filled her cart with half-off socks and board games. “You’re hungry by then, and they have free donut holes,” she said. “Freddy’s always has board games, buy one get one free. Everybody knows this.”
Not everybody. Some of us are snooze-you-losers. That’s my Black Friday plan. By the time you read this, my friend will likely have finished her Christmas shopping. I will not have started mine.
“The day after Christmas, I do it all again,” Kristi said.
Julie Muhlstein: 425-339-3460; jmuhlstein@heraldnet.com
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