Kim Jong-unreal

We thought the president was against torture: President Obama weighed in on reports that North Korea was behind the hacking of Sony Pictures’ online records and had threatened attacks if the studio released the satirical movie, “The Interview,” saying the U.S. will respond “in a place and manner and time that we choose.”

Right now it’s a toss-up between carpet-bombing Pyongyang with DVD copies of “The Interview,” or something more sinister: the 2003 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez rom-com, “Gigli.”

Pout, baby, pout: The city of New York and Lincoln Center are evicting Fashion Week and its runway models following complaints that its use of Lincoln Center for fashion shows resulted in damage and had limited public use of the center’s park.

President Obama, may we suggest North Korea as Fashion Week’s new venue? The impoverished nation is already accustomed to gaunt and hollow-eyed people.

Don’t forget to tuck the tail: In celebrating its 75th anniversary, a tale from the Idaho Fish and Game agency’s past has come to light: beavers who were parachuted into the state’s backcountry to solve overcrowding.

Yeah, we thought about it, too, but sending beavers on a deforestation and damming mission into North Korea sounded cruel to the beavers.

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