Police in Manchester, England, want residents to stop calling the emergency line for problems that are decidedly not emergencies. Oh, you want an example? How about four? The department released the audio of four different calls to 999 — the equivalent to 911 in the United States — that feature disputes over a vending machine, a store’s return policy for sneakers, a hedgehog and pizza.
The police are calling the four calls “irresponsible,” and note that frivolous emergency calls tie up resources that could otherwise go to actual emergencies. In England, citizens can call another number, 101, for non-emergency police matters like a stolen car or property damage. None of these crimes would be appropriate 101 calls either, it should be noted.
But there’s another reason the calls are worth attention: they are also definitely pretty funny.
The first begins: “I put some money in this vending machine, and they’re refusing to give me my money back, and I need that money to make an emergency call,” begins one caller. “You’ll have to come sort it out.” The dispatcher replies that the vending machine problem is “absolutely not” a reason to call the police emergency line. “You need to contact the vending machine company, the dispatcher continues. I’m going to clear the line now because you’re holding it up for people who have genuine emergencies.”
The caller responds with an obscene suggestion.
In another, a caller tells the dispatcher that there’s a “hedgehog in the backyard, and we’re a bit scared.” After asking the caller to clarify whether the animal was alive or dead (it was alive!) the dispatcher says, “well that’s where the hedgehogs live, in gardens.”
She adds, “the hedgehogs are good for your garden. They kill your slugs.” The caller replies “yeah, but we don’t want our slugs to get killed, but we’re a bit scared.” The dispatcher tells the caller there’s “not much we can do” about the hedgehog before hanging up.
“Hiya, can I have the police at Sports Direct, they’ve stole me money,” begins another request from an irate Manchester resident. “They won’t give me money for these trainers what I bought.” The caller repeatedly insists that what appears to be a dispute over a return policy at a retail store is “theft,” as the dispatcher tries to explain that the dispute is a consumer, and not a criminal issue. The call continues for nearly three minutes; you should probably just listen to this one.
A fourth caller rings up the police emergency line because his pizza is late. Even the caller admits that the reason for his call “isn’t an emergency,” but proceeds anyway. “I ordered a pizza 45 minutes ago, and it’s still not been delivered to me.” The dispatcher tells the caller to contact the pizza place.
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