Time to put the Skittles away and bust out the Sweethearts Valentine candy with the little sayings, like “Be Mine,” “Call Me,” and “When in Doubt, Always Give the Ball to the Beast.” Let’s get into headline mode:
“This $34 smartphone dongle tests for HIV and syphilis”: Yay. Just in time for Valentine’s Day!
“What can $1 billion do to prevent childhood obesity?”: Buy every child their own bike?
“Seahawks’ vaunted defense fails to ‘finish’?”: Might that be because Richard Sherman, Earl Thomas III and Kam Chancellor all played with truly serious injuries? Coach Pete Carroll called them “heroic,” but (please excuse the heresy) it’s really not smart, or advantageous to “play” with such injuries, even if it means some big names aren’t in the game. The risk of further injury isn’t worth it. Also: Is a severely injured starter really better than his backup?
“McDonald’s workers’ requests for dances, fist bumps confusing customers”: The new “Pay with Love” campaign involves selecting random customers to pay for their food orders with acts like calling their mom to tell her how much they love her or sharing a family hug in line in lieu of cash. Sure. Hard to foresee any problem with asking people to call their moms. “She passed away yesterday.” “Call her what?” “I can’t. She doesn’t approve of me eating at McDonalds.”
“Futuristic Japanese hotel staffed entirely by robots”: What is it, exactly, that people don’t like about humans? Too fleshy? Too friendly? Not futuristic enough?
“Birds take it in turns to lead, say scientists”: Holy cooperation, Batman! What a concept!
“Instagram’s biggest rival wants to pay photographers”: Holy crazy fair compensation talk, Batman! What a concept.
“Google forced to – wah! – OBEY the LAW with privacy policy tweaks”: A professor once advised me that sarcasm doesn’t work well to make an argument, and he was right. But it can be cathartic once in awhile, like in a headline such as this one.
“Aspen police: Lance Armstrong hit parked cars, blamed girlfriend”: Wow. Apparently he takes offense when A-Rod is cited as the most disliked athlete and needed to take appropriate action. (In “researching” this headline, I’ve found that actress Kate Hudson dated both of these men. Hmm. Hopefully she has found a new “type.”)
“About 80 bodies found in India’s Ganges River in apparent ‘burial’?” and “A luxury condo in India will have a private swimming pool on every balcony”: A single example of why India is known as “The Land of Contradictions.”
“Man misses whale 2 feet away because he was glued to his phone”: The photo documenting this moment is really quite funny (in that better laugh or you’ll cry kind of way). (There’s the patented holding-the-phone-texting posture, as the humpback glides by, close enough to photobomb the guy.) Wonder if the name of his sailboat is Quite Distracted.
Hang on to your umbrella this week. Mother Nature is obviously a Seahawks fan, hence the gray and weeping skies.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com
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