Welcome to March, which this mild year comes in like a metrosexual lion, straight from the salon, stretching big and shaking his glorious mane. Hence the name, a pride of lions. Let’s take a well-coiffed, majestic look at the headlines:
“McMansions are back, and bigger than ever”: Sigh. Of course they are. For the love a gazillion foreclosures, don’t we have some extremely short memories?
“Do you own A $2.7 million home? Because Kim Kardashian’s 17-Year-old sister does”: Well, of course the country’s job creators are going to live lavishly. What’s the problem?
“Visa wants to track your smartphone”: A little late to the party, but of course they do.
“Massachusetts man selling, shipping snow from his yard”: There’s that American entrepreneurial spirit we know and admire. To match it, perhaps Washington’s ski resorts could place a massive order and have it overnighted.
“Now you can get your packages with a side of waffles”: Who knew an untapped shipping/breakfast food market existed? “Send me a ton of that Massachusetts snow, and six dozen waffles.” What, no bacon?
“ ‘I was chasing an owl,’ driver explains crash to police”: From this week’s installment of Road Rage follies. “He wasn’t acting wisely at all,” the owl told the police.
“LeBron isn’t happy that his 10-year-old is getting college letters”: Hmm. Well, if the NBA can recruit someone out of high school as they did with Lebron James, is it really so wrong for colleges to try and get there first?
“Urban Meyer is trapped at sea with 2,500 Ohio State fans”: How long did it take college football conspiracy theorists to blame the stuck-at-sea incident on new Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh calling some kind of titanic play to get that rivalry under way?
“Seattle Seahawks Marshawn Lynch wants to trademark ‘I’m just here so I won’t get fined’ ”: OK, boss. It’s all yours. Will it result in a huge legal struggle like “12th Man”? Stay tuned to the Skittles Channel.
“Yankees execs reportedly ‘fuming’ at A-Rod for arriving early”: Leave it to the New York Yankees organization to actually turn Alex Rodriguez into a little bit of a sympathetic figure. Showing up early for spring training? What an arrogant SOB. The guy really can’t win for losing.
“Mariners have wealth of outfield options”: Please join me in rooting for Franklin “Guti” Gutierrez, the great outfielder sidelined the past few seasons by ongoing gastrointestinal and other difficult to diagnose health issues. It takes guts to try and come back in the macho world of pro sports when one suffers from non-sports related illnesses that seem only to elicit mockery, not sympathy. You know, the way a torn meniscus would.
“Mars One mission: ‘My boyfriend is cool with me going to Mars on a one-way trip’ ”: Um. He didn’t buy the ticket, did he?
“Crocodiles play, too, study says — why do animals have fun?”: Because what is life without some fun? Especially if you have one of those crocodile grins?
Seriously, schedule yourself some fun this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
