Dear Grandparenting:
My grandchildren’s schedule is insanity. Their parents must think my grandchildren are products moving down an assembly line, because every 30 minutes they jammed another task or activity into their little lives. It was like the children have to be perfect for the parents to be happy. This is complete nonsense. So I am taking matters into my own hands. I am doing my grandchildren the great favor of slowing their childhood down for them. I call this “Slow Grandparenting”.
My daughter finally returned to work full-time. She was a nervous Nelly about every little detail. So now I am in charge until after I make their dinner and she returns home. I figure the grandkids and I will idle away the hours after their lessons are finished. I figure less is more. Maybe they’ll fly higher when I lighten their load. I think constant supervision was holding them down. What is your opinion?
— Sissy, Waynesboro, Pennsylvania
Dear Sissy: We’re familiar with the stories of parents hovering like helicopters over their children’s lives, so obsessed with their kids’ safety and success that it was almost comical. Perhaps our readers have not been introduced to this breed of parent, but they’re out there in all income brackets, watching and worrying and micromanaging their children’s lives, reading books like “Brain Food for Kids; Over 100 recipes to Boost Your Child’s Intelligence.”
Fears that some predator is lurking in the bushes or that the child won’t measure up are well intentioned. The world is a more dangerous place, and the hyper-competitive global economy has left many parents wondering what became of the American Dream. Families are among the smallest in history, and we guard them zealously. Involved parents are preferable to invisible ones, but they can cross the line by bombarding grandchildren with choices and activities before youngsters can handle them, or by measuring every step of their child’s progress according to benchmarks and statistics about achievement.
Grandparents are a natural antidote for this sort of insidious of over-parenting. As a practical matter, many don’t have the horsepower to push their grandchildren 24-7. But grandparents also grew up in a less structured era, when grandchildren were expected to be more self-reliant and resourceful. When left to their devices and given space to roam without the noise of constant adult intervention, grandchildren relax and turn on their imagination and creativity. They also learn something about themselves, instead of what others expect them to be. In this go-go world, there’s plenty to be said for Slow Grandparenting.
Grand remark of the week
Lance Everson, of Springfield, Ohio, says that “the price of admission to my house for all my grandchildren is one hug. Two hugs puts them in the VIP category.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.
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