How to recognize when drinking becomes a problem

  • By Paul Schoenfeld Special to The Herald
  • Monday, April 20, 2015 4:59pm
  • Life

Joe has been increasing his alcohol use for several years, and now he’s drinking an entire bottle of wine or more, four to five nights a week. He doesn’t think he’s impaired; after all he’s built up a high tolerance. But his family is angry and embarrassed. Joe doesn’t drink at work, so he doesn’t think he has a problem.

“So what if I like to have a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the week or on Saturday night,” says Joe. He’s not like his uncle and his mother who both drank heavily during the day and died from liver failure.

But his family has an entirely different story about his alcohol use. They notice how he slurs his words and forgets what they tell him. Frequently, he passes out in his easy chair and has to be led to his bed.

Joe’s biggest problem is that he doesn’t think he has a problem.

He’s developing many of the symptoms of Alcohol Use Disorder (most recent way of classifying a range of alcohol problems): increasing use, growing tolerance, cravings, and denying the impact of his alcohol use on himself and others. Plus, he has strong genetic loading for alcohol dependence. His wife has talked to him, his teenage kids have spoken to him, but he’s stubborn and won’t seek help. Secretly, he’s tried to cut back his drinking, but he hasn’t been successful.

The problem of alcohol abuse and dependence is huge in the United States. According to the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse (NIAA), 16.6 million adults had an Alcohol Use Disorder in 2013. Nearly 88,000 people die from alcohol related deaths yearly, which makes it the third-leading cause of death. It’s a serious problem. For every alcoholic, there is a family that struggles with their alcoholic husband, wife, mother, father, son or daughter.

The Behavioral Health Department of The Everett Clinic sees hundreds of men and women like Joe every year. They come in for a visit because their primary care provider sends them. They’re depressed (alcohol is a potent depressant) or their family has pressured them to see someone.

Many of these adults leave a trail of crumbs behind them. Part of them hopes that the clinician will follow the trail of crumbs and identify alcohol as the culprit, and part of them hopes they won’t. They are ambivalent about their use of alcohol.

Helping these individuals find their way into alcohol treatment is the challenge for primary care providers, clinicians, and family members. The more we push them to get help, the more they push back. Confrontation can strengthen their resistance to change.

A more collaborative, interactive approach is helpful. When Joe comes to see me, I ask him “What do you like about drinking? What are the negative effects? How much do you want to make a change? How confident are you that you could cut back or stop drinking?” These questions facilitate a discussion, rather than an argument. My goal is to help adults like Joe identify their own motivation for change.

I like to send individuals with alcohol problems to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) so that they can check out a meeting and see what they learn. If I had a dollar for every person I sent to AA, I could retire. It’s a great program, it’s free, and moreover, if an adult sticks with it, they will find themselves on the road to recovery.

When they come back to see me, I talk to them about their experience and find out what they learned. I explore their reactions. It’s a dialogue. For many adults, it’s a first step toward acknowledging that they have a problem and then seeking help. I also send family members to Al-Anon, to learn about how to cope with their alcoholic parent, spouse, or child.

For AA meetings and more information about the program, visit www.aa.org. For specific services in our county, visit snohomishcountywa.gov/462/Alcohol-Other-Drugs-Treatment.

Dr. Paul Schoenfeld is Director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health and has been a clinical psychologist for more than 30 years. Read more of his blog at the Family Talk Blog at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Brandon Hailey of Cytrus, center, plays the saxophone during a headlining show at Madam Lou’s on Friday, Dec. 29, 2023 in Seattle, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Lynnwood-based funk octet Cytrus has the juice

Resilience and brotherhood take center stage with ‘friends-first’ band.

FILE - In this April 11, 2014 file photo, Neko Case performs at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Fire investigators are looking for the cause of a fire on Monday, Sept. 18, 2017, that heavily damaged Case’s 225-year-old Vermont home. There were no injuries, though a barn was destroyed. It took firefighters two hours to extinguish the blaze. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP, File)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Singer-songwriter Neko Case, an indie music icon from Tacoma, performs Sunday in Edmonds.

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli
Tangier’s market boasts piles of fruits, veggies, and olives, countless varieties of bread, and nonperishables, like clothing and electronics.
Rick Steves on the cultural kaleidoscope of Tangier in Morocco

Walking through the city, I think to myself, “How could anyone be in southern Spain — so close — and not hop over to experience this wonderland?”

chris elliott.
Vrbo promised to cover her rental bill in Hawaii, so why won’t it?

When Cheryl Mander’s Vrbo rental in Hawaii is uninhabitable, the rental platform agrees to cover her new accommodations. But then it backs out. What happened?

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.