Let’s jump on the merry-go-round of headlines:
“Study: Dolphins have social networks including friends”: And all without ever using the Internet! Incredible!
“A Canadian ‘mass exodus’ on social media”: Sounds intriguing, like Canadians are leaving “social media” in large numbers. But it’s just a confusing headline, which really means to say, the results of an election had some Albertans on social media threatening to move to Saskatchewan, the neighboring province. Oh. Political intrigue. But maybe people will start to use the phrase “I’m moving to Saskatchewan” when they are upset with something, or threaten to quit Facebook.
“Kansas seniors try to sell high school on Craigslist”: The enterprising students thought it would be a good way to fund their college tuition. But it would seem they missed a lesson or two about … tuition reality. Their asking price: $2,015. Hmm. Creative idea, bad execution. These are definitely not your future economics, business or math majors.
“Michigan couple name son No. 13; decision was a challenge: Rats. Another confusing headline. The couple with 12 boys did not, in fact, name their new son “No. 13.” (Which would be cool if you like that number.) The name they did choose: Francisco Matthew Schwandt. Leaving open the possibility he will one day give himself the nickname “13.”
“Japanese smartphone lets you pay for things with your eyes”: It’s the world’s first smartphone to use iris recognition in conjunction with fingerprint authentication. Well, good for it. But does it cause anyone else to have a yen for paying with some good ol’ hard cash?
“Artificial intelligence gets closer to mimicking human brain”: Causing human brains to say, “Stop copying me! I mean it! Stop saying what I’m saying! Mom! Artificial intelligence is copying me! Mom!”
“Tech start-up develops dinner plate that tells you if you’re getting fat”: Of course they call it “SmartPlate,” instead of something more accurate, like MeanDinnerware or PlateOfShame.
“Our attention span now worse than goldfish’s”: According to the article, the human attention span is now eight seconds. (With goldfish attention span at nine seconds.) Hmm. Eight seconds. Just enough time to “click” on an article, not read it, and close it. Of those surveyed, 44 percent said they struggle to focus on tasks and 37 percent said their inability to use time well forces them to work late or on weekends. Scary. Here’s hoping surgeons, pilots, psychologists, etc., were not among those polled.
“Prince Harry losing hair”: So reports The Washington Post. My attention wandered after eight seconds, however, so I don’t know if the article included a link to Amazon.com, and a suggestion for a product called “Troadzwig Red Brown Short Curly Bangs Hair Natural Realistic Fashion Full Wigs for Men Kanekalon Fiber Synthetic” for the ginger-haired prince.
“This self-flying ‘selfie drone’ starts following you once you toss it up in the air”: Oh, boy. Do you then shoot it, like a clay pigeon?
Isn’t “selfie drone” redundant? Mom! Tell Selfie Drone to stop following me!
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com
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