I have been living in the Spain for the past two months, first in Barcelona and then Seville, working on a book and experiencing life in a foreign country. International travel is wonderful, but it also creates lots of interesting daily challenges for travelers — I don’t speak any Spanish, had no idea how anything works here and despite modern technology, got lost all of the time.
The most recent crisis was realizing that I couldn’t call my credit card company. How do you make an international collect call? You would think I had to swim the English Channel. After trying several approaches, beating my head against the Spanish wall, I was ready to scream. I was wringing my hands in despair.
I went for a walk, took more than a couple of deep breaths, and realized that I just needed to roll up my sleeves and find a solution. I systematically tried a few ideas, and finally one worked. Voila! I was able to talk to the credit card company. But in this entire process, I realized some things about our human condition in the middle of this ocean of change we call the 21st century.
We are overdependent on modern technology. Has your cellphone ever gone on the blink? Your computer stopped working? Your Internet browser froze in the middle of a critical search? God forbid the electricity goes out — we’re back in the Middle Ages! Modern conveniences do have their place, but we need to recognize that they are not the end point of our lives. We don’t have to turn back the clock to consider how we could live a life without wireless. Putting all of our eggs into the technological basket is a mistake.
What happens when you slam into a wall? You’re cruising along, everything is good, and then you hit a wall that’s standing in your way to where you want to go. Do you get angry? Frustrated? Wring your hands? Get a headache? Pitch a fit? Or all of the above? Your workplace buys a new computer system, your spouse wants to move, your kid gets caught smoking pot at school, your car breaks down, your computer’s hard drive crashes, you bounce a check, the IRS wants to look more closely at your tax return or one of your parents get sick. It’s not uncommon for things to go upside down, if only temporarily. Most of us react, “Why me? Why is this happening now? Everything was so good. What if I don’t know what to do or how to do it?” It’s natural to feel frustrated, angry, put out, and helpless.
It’s not about keeping your cool; it’s about getting it back. When we hit a bump or a wall, it’s natural to get upset. But what’s most important is that we figure out how to get our peace back. Go for a walk, pray, talk to a friend or breathe. It’s important to learn how to calm yourself down when adversity, big or small, strikes. Frequently, it’s the mosquitos that drive you crazy. When you’re upset, it’s impossible to approach your challenge with a “big mind” — everything becomes small.
Roll up your sleeves. Once you regain your calm, it’s much easier to roll up your sleeves and try different approaches to solve your problem. If one thing doesn’t work try another, until you find an adequate solution.
Life is change. Nothing stays the same for very long. Don’t get too attached to what has become familiar or comfortable. Life has a way of changing on a dime. Remembering this simple point helps you ride the waves, big or small, whenever they crash over you.
Dr. Paul Schoenfeld is Director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health and has been a clinical psychologist for more than 30 years. Read more of his blog at the Family Talk Blog at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.
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