Parents should be the object of interest

  • By John Rosemond Tribune News Service
  • Thursday, May 28, 2015 7:18pm
  • Life

My mother was a most unusual woman for her generation. She divorced my father when I was three, went to college and eventually obtained a Ph.D. in plant morphology when women were not heartily welcomed by the nearly all-male faculties of university science programs. She also taught at the university level and was well-published in her field. I could go on, but suffice to say she was a Renaissance woman. All that aside, when it came to being a mother she was typical for her day and time.

When she was in her dotage, but still of crisp mind, I asked her what she and other 1950s mothers talked about when they got together. After a few moments of thought, she listed politics, books, recordings, world events, plays, movies, travel, volunteerism and pastimes such as needlework. I then asked, “Did you talk about your children?”

“Oh, no,” she quickly replied. “We talked about interesting things.”

One might think that came as a blow to my fragile sense of well-being, but the fact that as a young child I was not very interesting came as no surprise. I happen to agree with my mother: I do not find young children interesting in the least. The odd things they occasionally say and do are interesting, but they are not. And by the way, I usually enjoy being around them because they can be and often are entertaining. They frequently make me laugh, and I am rather proud of the fact that I often make them laugh as well. But interesting? No. Like new wines, they possess the potential to someday be interesting, but in the meantime they need lots of maturing.

In my relationship with my mother, she was the person of interest. The many facets of her life were fascinating, in fact. Perhaps that’s why I believe that mothers are obligated to demonstrate to their children that women are, in fact, interesting people. And that is certainly why I am concerned that a good number of today’s moms are not succeeding at that. As evidence of this, I cite the fact that when today’s moms get together, they mostly talk about their children. That’s not healthy. A child or children should not be the primary focus of one’s source of identity or narrow focus of one’s life.

Why not? Because they leave home someday (hopefully, that is), and then where are you? Furthermore, I will submit that mothers who talk almost obsessively about their children are not interesting to their children. It is much more likely that their children take them for granted, and that is not good for either the children or the mothers in question.

Mothers are also obligated to teach their children that women have legitimate claim to authority. That demonstration begins at home. I will submit that mothers who think their children are so fascinating that they talk about them disproportionately are not doing a good job of demonstrating authority to those same kids. In a classroom, the teacher needs to be the person of interest. If she fails at that, she also fails at exercising authority. Likewise, in the home parents need to be the persons of interest, not their children.

Quite simply, children pay attention to adults who are interesting, and the people who benefit most from that arrangement are the children.

Tribune Content Agency, LLC

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Brandon Hailey of Cytrus, center, plays the saxophone during a headlining show at Madam Lou’s on Friday, Dec. 29, 2023 in Seattle, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Lynnwood-based funk octet Cytrus has the juice

Resilience and brotherhood take center stage with ‘friends-first’ band.

FILE - In this April 11, 2014 file photo, Neko Case performs at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Fire investigators are looking for the cause of a fire on Monday, Sept. 18, 2017, that heavily damaged Case’s 225-year-old Vermont home. There were no injuries, though a barn was destroyed. It took firefighters two hours to extinguish the blaze. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP, File)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Singer-songwriter Neko Case, an indie music icon from Tacoma, performs Sunday in Edmonds.

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli
Tangier’s market boasts piles of fruits, veggies, and olives, countless varieties of bread, and nonperishables, like clothing and electronics.
Rick Steves on the cultural kaleidoscope of Tangier in Morocco

Walking through the city, I think to myself, “How could anyone be in southern Spain — so close — and not hop over to experience this wonderland?”

chris elliott.
Vrbo promised to cover her rental bill in Hawaii, so why won’t it?

When Cheryl Mander’s Vrbo rental in Hawaii is uninhabitable, the rental platform agrees to cover her new accommodations. But then it backs out. What happened?

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.