ARLINGTON — Disasters don’t have end dates.
They ripple through a community for decades. Recovery is a lifelong journey, not a race to the finish line, but sometimes the people who need help most are the first to say they’re fine.
Three retired first responders from the East Coast who now work with communities struck by tragedy are visiting Arlington, Oso and Darrington this week to share advice with people affected by last year’s deadly Oso mudslide. They specialize in helping fellow first responders learn to talk about their experiences and deal with emotions. That includes police and firefighters, along with the neighbors, families and workers who stepped up to help at disaster sites.
Jim Nestor, Michael Parmenter and Mike Yaeger are giving four private presentations, three for first responders and one for families. The speakers also are meeting with people one-on-one or in small groups.
Their visit is sponsored by the Long Term Recovery Group, formed after the mudslide to help connect survivors to resources. The group held its last meeting earlier this month, but subgroups are continuing. One subgroup meets regularly to help distribute money and supplies, while another works to connect people with counseling.
Kerry Fitzgibbons, a retired Veterans Affairs counselor with a private family practice, is serving as the mental health coordinator. He takes calls from people looking for help and finds them a counselor, directs them to a support group or counsels them himself. He’s gotten about 20 calls since he started in March.
Bringing in expert speakers is part of the effort to help people heal, he said.
“I think they offer a perspective that recovery isn’t something that happens in days, weeks or even months,” Fitzgibbons said.
Nestor, Parmenter and Yaeger have worked with rescuers and survivors after 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Superstorm Sandy and the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting.
Nestor, 62, spent 10 years as a police officer in Pennsylvania and 25 with the New Jersey State Police Employee Assistance Program. Now he’s the administrator of the First Responders Addiction Treatment Program under the nonprofit Livengrin Foundation. The program focuses on helping police, firefighters, emergency medical personnel, 911 operators and combat veterans address addiction, depression and other challenges.
“What happens after a disaster is the community gets a lot of help, and the first responders get kind of put to the side,” Nestor said.
It’s no one’s fault, said Parmenter, FRAT program coordinator. First responders are trained to step aside so victims and families can get help.
“We learned from 9/11 that the first responders expand beyond the typical police and fire,” Nestor said.
At the World Trade Center, they were crane operators and iron workers. In Oso, they were loggers, heavy- equipment operators and neighbors. When disaster strikes, there’s no keeping people out, Parmenter said.
Parmenter, 56, was a New Jersey state trooper and retired as a lieutenant after 26 years. He worked for a time as a homicide detective and later with the employee assistance program.
Yaeger, 63, is a retired battalion chief from the Philadelphia Fire Department. He initiated a suicide prevention program there. He saw 49 line-of-duty deaths over 41 years and was one the firefighters rescued by helicopter from the roof of a blazing 38-story building during the 1991 Meridian fire that killed three firefighters.
There’s a culture among first responders, Yaeger said: “You go down the hall.”
The phrase comes from row houses where, during a fire, the narrow hallways are hazardous. The danger doesn’t matter. First responders go down the hall.
That culture can lead to people feeling they are tough enough, or need to be tough enough, to not ask for help. They think they’re OK and keep pushing forward.
That’s denial, Yaeger said, and it can be dangerous.
People get “emotional hangovers.” Trauma lingers like a pounding headache. For first responders, every new emergency call can trigger memories of a disaster.
“You have to develop a network of people in that culture who want to talk about things,” Yaeger said. “You’ve got to get it going. Until then, it’s pull up the bootstraps, ‘I’m OK,’ another stone in the bucket until it overflows.”
Everybody copes differently after a tragedy, said Maureen Conroyd, mental health project coordinator for the long term recovery group.
“We want to create that understanding that whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone and there is help,” she said.
That help doesn’t always come from counselors, nonprofits or churches, Nestor said. Peers often are the most important lifeline. People need to watch out for their friends, family and neighbors, he said.
“We’re here because, for these people, recovery is lifelong,” Nestor said. “It’s like grieving. You’re going to grieve for the rest of your life, hopefully in a healthy way.”
Needs always outlive resources, Parmenter said. Long-term recovery groups disband when funding runs out, but there always is something to be done for people shaken by disaster. Having a resilient community and knowing when to ask for help are vital.
“That big scar on the mountain’s not going away,” Parmenter said. “People will be dealing with this for generations.”
Kari Bray: 425-339-3439; kbray@heraldnet.com.
For help
To learn about individual, group or family counseling related to the Oso mudslide, people can contact Kerry Fitzgibbons at 360-348-8148.
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