| HeraldNet - Snohomish County's online news source |
 FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2009 2:15 pm |
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• Nip-Tuck: The Botax Edition November 20 • Seriously, leggo November 19 • Pass the gravy November 18 • Or hide the remote November 17 • Go for the gold November 16 |
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Nip-Tuck: The Botax Edition To help pay for the health insurance overhaul, the White House and congressional leaders propose taxes on elective cosmetic surgery. Upset at the looming tax, many Botox users are said to be having their treatments modified so that their faces are frozen into frowns instead of smiles. Thanksgiving in crisis: First the Eggo frozen waffle shortage, and now this: a pumpkin pie shortage. Bad weather has spoiled the harvest at the massive Libby's pumpkin farm in Illinois. In a plucky display of national resolve, Americans say they'll make the best of things on Thanksgiving Day and replace the missing pie with an extra helping of whipped cream. Dreamy Dracula: Few of those old enough to legally drink care, but the second movie in the “Twilight” teen-vampire saga, set (but not filmed) in Forks over on the Olympic Peninsula, debuts today. The Buzz awaits a more realistic and true-to-its-setting “Twilight” in which Edward Cullen loses his job at the shingle mill and starts drinking heavily. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Not in your grocer's freezer: Kellogg, the maker of Eggo frozen waffles, says that the shutdown of two of the four factories that make the breakfast standby will cause nationwide waffle shortages that could last through the middle of next year. Things will get tough, but we will survive this. And one day we will tell our grandchildren about the Great Waffle Famine of '09-10, about the long lines that circled the nation's toasters, how industrious cooks made their own Victory Waffles, how syrup bottles became stuck closed from disuse. But, as Aunt Jemima is our witness, we will endure. --- Visit Beautiful Humptulips: The Washington State Tourism office is offering a six-day vacation and weekend trips in a contest with the new slogan, “Experience More." Runners-up will be awarded the boxloads of leftover merchandise with the tourism office's abandoned slogan, “Say Wa!” --- Royale with cheese: A New York McDonald's has adopted a European look by redecorating with Danish modern furniture, subdued lighting and employees in fashionable black uniforms. The menu isn't any different than your typical McDonald's, but for a $20 fee the cashier will speak to you in an annoyed French accent. ... [Read More]
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Pass the gravy And don't tell your doctor: If you're looking for a new way to cook your Thanksgiving turkey, consider a bird wrapped and stuffed with bacon. It bastes itself and makes great gravy, and here's the best part; on Friday you've got the makings for a turkey club sandwich. But remember, the first rule about Turkey Club is you don't talk about Turkey Club. --- Because fruitcake jokes are so Jay Leno: Judyrae Kruse's Forum recipe column offers mincemeat recipes that recommend using wild game as a chief ingredient. We can't imagine a more authentically American taste for Thanksgiving. Mincemeat served our settler forebears as both pie filling and insulating material for their log cabins. --- In Soviet Russia, lyrics rap you: Vladimir Putin, former KGB official, Russian president and current prime minister, delivered a message to Russian youths to the music of a hip-hop groove, while rappers sang his praises. Hoping he quits his day job to follow his dreams, The Buzz is taking nominations for Putin's rapper name. Our suggestions: MC KGB, Lil' White Russian, Masta Puty-Poot and Notorious V.I.P. ... [Read More]
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Or hide the remote In the interest of family harmony, you'll find some tips on how to deal with unruly relatives over the Thanksgiving holiday. The Buzz will throw in a few more: -- Kids sit at the card table in the kitchen. Argumentative adults sit at the workbench in the garage. -- To head off fights about what to watch on TV, send everyone to the wall of TVs at the nearest home electronics store. -- Threaten to withhold pie. n Draw the curtains closed, turn off the lights and for Pete's sake don't answer the doorbell. --- Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise? Three boats that once belonged to imprisoned financier and confidence man Bernie Madoff are headed for auction. The boats are named “Bull,” “Sitting Bull” and “Little Bull." If we had the money, The Buzz would bid on all three just to rename them: “Ponzi,” “Pigeon Drop” and “Nigerian E-mail.” --- OMG: A recent poll finds that a quarter of 16- and 17-year-olds with cell phones admit that they type out and read text messages while driving. Kids — seriously — knock it off. Do you really want your last words to be ROFLMAO? ... [Read More]
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Go for the gold Swifter, higher, stronger, half-caff: The Marysville-Tulalip Chamber of Commerce has scheduled a seminar on how businesses can take advantage of the upcoming Winter Olympics in Vancouver, B.C. Here's our idea for making a few bucks this February: Mount an espresso stand on a Vespa and sell coffee to all the people waiting in line at the border in Blaine. The wheels on the bus go round and round and round and round: Hundreds of students in schools in Snohomish County are transferring out of their neighborhood schools to schools with better test scores, even if it means a morning commute of an hour or more. Of course, it may not be that one school is better than any other, just that the kids now have an extra hour each morning to get their homework done. Go ahead, make my day: Clint Eastwood recently was made a commander in the French Legion of Honor during a ceremony in Paris. At one point during the ceremony, camera flashes caused Eastwood to squint in the direction of French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Startled, Sarkozy immediately surrendered to the actor and director. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
The greening of the presidency: President Barack Obama has joined the hallowed ranks that include great Americans such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and SpongeBob Squarepants. Obama has his own Chia head, the clay figurines that grow sprouts for hair. This does solve the problem of what to give foreign heads of state as a gift when they visit the White House. --- Just watering the garden, mum: England’s National Trust, which manages stately Wimpole Hall as a tourist attraction, has advised its male gardening staff to — ahem — “relieve” themselves outdoors rather than use the flush toilets indoors, thus saving water. It’s a shame Benny Hill isn’t still with us to turn this into a skit with “Yakety Sax” playing in the background. --- One toke over the line: Two Mountlake Terrace men say they may file suit against the city after it rejected their application for a business license for a medical marijuana dispensary. Washington state law allows physicians to prescribe marijuana but is silent on how patients can obtain it. Our advice to the prospective medical marijuana entrepreneurs: You can inhale, but don’t hold your breath. ... [Read More]
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'Twilight' tourism ‘Twilight’ tourism: The phenomenally popular “Twilight” series of vampire novels is set in Forks, and that’s helping the Olympic Peninsula town bounce back after a long decline caused by the collapse of the timber industry. Just don’t scratch too hard on those “Jacob’s Java” and “Cullen’s B&B” signs — you might uncover the words “BBQ the Spotted Owl.” Christmas shopping ideas: Convicted swindler Bernard Madoff’s stuff will be auctioned today in Manhattan. The goods include a matched set of Bernie’s polo shirts bearing the word “bull” — perfect for the opinionated gas bag on your list. Or pick up a box of Madoff’s personal stationery, which will be ideal for your cover letter when you apply for positions in the accounting field. If the Madoff auction’s too rich for your blood, why not make your own Christmas gifts? Local craft stores will show you how. You’ll save money, and the kids will be thrilled — as long as you enroll in the Make Your Own XBox 360 class. ... [Read More]
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For the first time in 15 years, the smoking rate in the United States rose slightly, to 21 percent in 2008, up from 19.8 percent the year before. While the news is discouraging for health officials, it should be noted that the increase likely wasn't among the general U.S. population but solely among the cast of AMC's “Mad Men.” What about calling AAA? One of NASA's Mars rovers has been stuck in the red planet's sand since April, but engineers say they have devised a solution to free the six-wheeled probe. Basically the plan is this: Put it in “D” and hope for the best. See, this is why manual transmissions are a better choice; they're easier to rock back and forth when you're stuck. Give that man a Guinness: A British man has broken the world record for pulling a double-decker bus with his hair after failing to set the record for pulling the bus with his ears. NASA quickly hired the 59-year-old man and, if its first plan doesn't work, will send him to Mars to pull the stuck rover from the sand. ... [Read More]
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The bottom line Ken Griffey Jr. says he's returning to the Seattle Mariners not just for the free food in the clubhouse, but to help the team win the World Series. Reportedly, Junior told the M's that he had no problem with reduced salary and playing time in 2010, but did ask for extra ice cream after games. The team's counter-offer: a free copy of “The Butt Book: How to Build a Non-Cellulite and Fat-Free Butt in 9 Weeks,” by Tosca Reno. Oh no, not the dog! The end-of-the-world epic “2012” is the most fun you'll have at the movies this weekend, Herald movie critic Robert Horton says. It's got the best special effects $280 million can buy: California falls into the ocean, a tidal wave obliterates the White House, billions die — cool! Hopefully there's nothing too scary and sad, like a really sweet golden retriever falling into a volcanic fissure. King of the B's: The Oscar folks will present a lifetime achievement award to Roger Corman, the creative force behind memorable low- budget fare such as “Night Call Nurses” and “Attack of the Crab Monsters." Corman could have made “2012” with three extras, a bathtub and a model of the White House made with toothpicks. ... [Read More]
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Squawking and honking The state Supreme Court has agreed to reconsider the conviction of a former Monroe woman who repeatedly honked her car's horn at neighbors in a squabble over her chickens. The woman is claiming that honking is protected under the Constitution's First Amendment as free speech. A lower court ruled that the woman's honking wasn't a readily understandable form of speech. We have to agree with the appeals court on this one. If you want to get your point across, don't honk. Tweet. Don't know much about history: On this day in 1620, 41 Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower, signed a compact calling for a “body politick.” And this is what actually led to the first Thanksgiving; their handwriting was so poor, the women aboard the Mayflower mistook “body politick” for “goodly potluck.” UPS ships the Snuggies: FedEx says it expects to ship about 8 percent more packages this year than last year on its busiest shipping day of the year, Dec. 14. That would be about 13 million packages. About half of the 13 million packages will be Slankets sent to the nation's grandmothers. ... [Read More]
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For many cougars, it's one night only “Cougars” — middle-age women on the prowl for younger men — manage to snare plenty of dates with their prey but seldom capture a long-term commitment. If you're a cougar, The Buzz says that's good news for you. You don't want to reach your retirement about the same time as your younger husband hits his midlife crisis and buys a Corvette. iFlop: Everyone loves the iPhone — except the Chinese. That's probably because the devices sell for as much as $1,100 in China and don't have Wi-Fi Internet capability. Apple can still capture the vast Chinese market — if it releases an updated iPhone that plays pirated DVD movies. Got diabetes? The dairy industry has launched a campaign to get sweetening-laden chocolate milk served to school kids. Sure, anti-obesity activists aren't happy, but The Buzz can just picture all those joyous, chubby faces in the lunch line. Just remember, kids: If you get chocolate milk at your school, don't thank Farmer Fred — thank Lobbyist Larry. — Mark Carlson, Herald staff ... [Read More]
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Time to put a lid on it That's funny; Jim never has a second cup: The Snohomish County Council is considering changes to its laws concerning bikini baristas at espresso stands that could take some of the steam out of the baristas' skimpier attire. It's best to set some boundaries now, before the trend of wearing lingerie or less spreads to bank tellers, bus drivers and road construction crews. --- Blame it on Rio: A female student at a private Brazilian university has been expelled for wearing a miniskirt to class, drawing heckles from fellow students. But the student has objected to complaints about her attire, saying she was enrolled in the college's barista training program. --- C'est la vie: Paris was host to its first-ever divorce fair on Sunday. Meeting a need in a country where nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, the fair's stands offered legal services, makeovers, dating advice and even Tarot card readers. Seeing as it was probably what led to many of the divorces in the first place, espresso stands at the Paris fair were staffed by baristas in lingerie. ... [Read More]
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That's Stud Muffin to you Cosmopolitan magazine selected a 26-year-old landscaper from Lake Stevens as the hottest bachelor in the state for 2009. The timing couldn’t be worse for Snohomish County women. If they hire the hunky Patrick McMahon to rake the autumn leaves on their lawns now, it’ll be much too cold for him to take off his shirt. Stealing from the stars: A burglary ring led by a 19-year-old woman allegedly robbed the Hollywood homes of celebrities including Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, police say. The alleged ringleader’s motivation was a desire to wear Lohan and Hilton’s designer clothes and jewelry. A spokesman for Lohan said that while the ringleader cannot have Lohan’s clothing and accessories, she is more than welcome to the “Mean Girls” star’s recurring drug and alcohol addictions. Upside down: Real estate values will continue to fall in 2010, but the market might hit bottom and start to rebound. One aspect of the real estate picture is expected to remain steady: People who bought homes just before the bubble burst will continue to kick themselves. — Mark Carlson, Herald staff ... [Read More]
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More jibba-jabba The national unemployment rate has hit double digits for the first time since 1983, when a nightclub bouncer-turned-actor named Mr. T took the nation by storm on the hit TV series “The A Team.” In a related development, Mr. T on Friday formally added “people looking for jobs” to his official list of fools to be pitied. It'll do 35 mph on the freeway: A 1965 Volkswagen van that was stolen 35 years ago in Spokane recently turned up in a shipping container on the Los Angeles waterfront. Officials can't find the original owner. He or she is likely in hiding, scared to death at the thought of having to actually drive a '65 VW van, a vehicle in which the driver's sternum is the crumple zone. DMV frequent flier: A South Korean woman finally passed the written test for a driver's license — on her 950th attempt. But don't hand over the keys to the Daewoo Nubira just yet — she still must take and pass the behind-the-wheel test. Vegas oddsmakers estimate she will require 12,436 attempts to successfully parallel park. — Mark Carlson, Herald staff ... [Read More]
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Official Bikini Inspector A Grab-N-Go bikini espresso stand was shut down after health inspectors found several code violations, including the lack of a proper hand-washing station. To ensure cleanliness, baristas will start serving customers directly from a soapy shower. Mermaid makes money: Despite the traditional attire, Starbucks is doing just fine, reporting a jump in profits. The company made a swift turnaround thanks to 800 store closures. The slash-and-burn approach has left some cities virtually barren, with only three Starbucks stores at every intersection. Maybe it's the caffeine: American companies have fewer workers but are squeezing more work out them. Productivity made its biggest jump in six years over the summer. Productivity will probably come back down for the fall, when economists factor in the hours workers spend researching fantasy football. Speaking of football: The Huskies meet an old friend this week at UCLA: Rick Neuheisel. UCLA hasn't improved on the field under Slick Rick, but its March Madness basketball betting pool has never been better. — Doug Parry, Herald staff ... [Read More]
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Murkier by the dozen: Confused by the labels on egg cartons that claim the eggs are from “cage-free,” “free-range” or “pasture-raised” chickens? Martha Stewart explains what each means, but be prepared to put aside your notions of happily clucking hens scratching outside a homey coop. Sorry, but if you want to think idyllic thoughts while eating your Denver omelette, you're going to have to raise the chickens yourself. --- It's only fair: About 600 atheists and agnostics will gather in Seattle this weekend for the annual convention of the Freedom From Religion Foundation. Along with a Nonprayer Breakfast, Seattle radio host Ron Reagan is scheduled to speak. It's comforting to know that even atheists gather to listen to long and tedious sermons on Sundays. --- Next Halloween he can be a convict: An Ohio man dressed as a Breathalyzer for Halloween was pulled over by police and arrested for drunken driving. Police said the man's blood-alcohol level was 0.158 percent, well above the 0.08 percent limit. Officers did thank the man for saving them the trouble and blowing into his own costume. ... [Read More]
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'Gimme that chip' Today's “Seinfeld” pop culture reference: What's a person to do when flu season collides with the holiday party season? Health experts say you don't have to cancel parties this fall and winter, but they do have some suggestions for keeping party-goers from sharing germs. For instance: Stay home if you feel ill. Avoid using a communal punch bowl for beverages. Mark your glass. And for Pete's sake, don't double-dip that chip. --- Wait, Oregon or Maine? Depending on the outcome of city council races on Tuesday, a proposal to change the name of Vancouver, Wash., to Fort Vancouver may have enough support. Proponents say the change is necessary to clear up confusion between it and Vancouver, B.C. If the city council really hopes to clear up the confusion it should just change the name to something closer to the city's true nature: North Portland. --- Beefeaters gin up trouble: Tower of London officials have confirmed they have suspended two of the fortress's famous yeoman warders, popularly known as Beefeaters, because they had harassed and bullied the first female member of the corps. The offending warders have been busted in rank from Beefeater to Meathead. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Speaw and magic helmet Kill de wabbit. Kill de wabbit: The Everett Symphony and Imagine Children's Museum have teamed up for Saturday's family concert, “Goldyhands and the Three Bows,” with music that includes Vivaldi's “Four Seasons." The Buzz supports introducing kids to classical music and the arts, and you can read all about it in our new book, “Everything I Know About Classical Music I Learned from Bugs Bunny Cartoons.” --- Close but no cigar: Kosovo's capital of Pristina welcomed Bill Clinton on Sunday as it unveiled an 11-foot gilded statue of the former U.S. president. The statue doesn't bear the most striking resemblance to Clinton, but maybe that's because it doesn't show him with his pants around his ankles. --- Another nonholiday ruined: Hoping to avoid the controversy of last year, the state will bar religious and other nongovernmental displays from inside buildings at the Capitol in Olympia during the holiday seasons. We understand, but it just won't be Festivus if we can't go to Olympia to gather 'round the Festivus Pole for the Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength. ... [Read More]
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Adolescent Frankensteins growing up in Sultan Monster mash-up: A new supernatural novel, “Frostbite,” appears to follow a theme familiar to another series of books popular with teen readers, this time among werewolves in the Northwest Territories of the Canadian Arctic. Teenage vampires in Forks? Hip young werewolves in Canada? We’ve got to get in on this. The Buzz is laying claim to a new book series about adolescent Frankensteins growing up in Sultan. You’d wear sandals, too, if you had eight feet: Scientists have announced the discovery of two new species of spider, including one that prefers sipping plant sap to nibbling on the tasty ants around it. Scientists also noticed that the vegan spider used a canvas bag rather than paper or plastic when gathering nectar and wears eight tiny Birkenstocks. Not that we’re speaking from personal experience: Two Indiana high school sophomores are suing their school district after they were punished for posting photos of themselves in lingerie on MySpace during summer break. Without taking sides on the legal issues, The Buzz would have advised the girls that the trick to avoiding trouble when, for example, mooning a rival high school team from a school bus window is to make sure there’s no photographic evidence. ... [Read More]
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Big love boat The world’s largest cruise ship set sail for Florida from its shipyard in Finland on Friday. The 1,200-foot Oasis of the Seas boasts four swimming pools, a 1,300-seat theater, a golf course and too many other amenities to list. Passengers will be hard-pressed to enjoy them, however, as they’ll spend two-thirds of their cruise trying to find their rooms. --- Miracle on the tarmac: Move over, Sully Sullenberger, we have a new hero pilot — the one who booted an obnoxious 2-year-old and his mom off a plane in San Jose. Of course, the kid could have been moved into the cockpit for a nice quiet nap with the flight crew. --- Bad News Garage: A mechanic in Tennessee, who presumably had a boat payment due, allegedly supplemented his income by tampering with parked cars, and then coming to their stranded owners’ aid. The mechanic fell under suspicion when his “customers” realized he 1.) was able to fix their problem the first time every time, 2.) refrained from finding and fixing other problems without their OK, and 3.) never presented them with a $934.66 bill and a shrug. ... [Read More]
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Must have been an iceberg What iceberg? It must be true; it's on the Interwebs: A Friday Harbor blogger was forced to admit that a photo he had posted showing a sinking Steilacoom II ferry had been faked. Had the ferry actually been sinking, Washington State Ferries would have immediately ordered a multimillion-dollar study outlining options for bailing water from the vessel. --- We interrupt this broadcast: On this day in 1938, Orson Welles staged his “War of the Worlds” radio drama, which featured breaking news reports about an attack by flying saucers from Mars that many listeners believed was real. Of course, it's preposterous to believe that anyone today watching breaking news reports on cable networks would be tricked by breathless reports about little people in saucer-shaped craft. --- Popped for his weasel: Police arrested a Florida man who had shoplifted a ferret from a pet store by shoving it into his pants. Along with theft the man could be charged with using a “special weapon” because he took the ferret from his pants and shoved it in a young man's face. The Buzz says throw the book at the guy. We'd push for charges of assault with a deadly mammal and carrying a ferret without a concealed weasel permit. ... [Read More]
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Bitter over Boeing? Who, us? As are many people in the Puget Sound region, The Buzz is disappointed by the news that Boeing has decided on Charleston, S.C., for the location of its second assembly line for the 787 Dreamliner. So if you'll allow us to get this out of our system ... Steven won't need a casket then: Wal-Mart has added caskets to its selection of low-priced goods available on its Web site. When we searched for “caskets” we were shown models such as the Executive Privilege steel casket. The search also offered among the casket choices — and we are not making this up — the DVD of Steven Seagal's “Hard to Kill.” ...
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... and I'm not a PC: Microsoft is backing out of a deal to advertise its new Windows 7 operating system during a “Family Guy” special because the Fox series, known for its raunchy humor, doesn't fit Microsoft's image. Some wonder why Microsoft is just now realizing “Family Guy” is less than a wholesome show. But to be fair, the software maker only recently upgraded to Windows 7 and got its Windows Media Player to work so they could watch an episode. --- Not including stops at Tim Horton's, 1,800 miles: The Everett Silvertips are in Kootenay, B.C., today, their first stop in a two-week, six-game road trip to Canadian cities, a 1,833-mile journey by chartered bus. That's an entire team of young men traveling two weeks on a bus. The charter company has already placed its order for a 40-gallon barrel of Febreze. --- Chihuahuas especially: Based on the number of winning videos it has shown, ABC's “America's Funniest Home Videos” says that dogs are funnier than cats, paws down, 136 laugh-worthy dogs to 34 snicker-inducing cats. A cat spokesman said the comparison is unfair because cat humor is more cerebral and doesn't translate well on TV. ... [Read More]
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Overscheduled or undermaintained? Parenting writer Angie Wagner tackles the big question for moms and dads these days: Is it wise to fill kids' schedules with activities? But forget the children — what about the minivan? If your kid-hauler starts making all kinds of squealing, creaking and groaning noises, you'll know it's time to lay off the trips to Soccer World USA — you're going to need the money to get the car fixed. No parking: California first lady Maria Shriver apologized on Monday after video captured her parking her car in a “red zone” reserved for emergency vehicles. Shriver would, however, be allowed to park in a new “purple zone” advocated by her husband, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, in which parking would be restricted to action heroes. Sickos: Businesses must plan for the swine flu's effects on their employees, but that doesn't include draconian measures such as lining everyone up to take their body temperature, human resources experts say. However, if a sick person insists on coming to work just to save paid time off for a Christmas Disneyland vacation, cubicle mates may demand their co-worker's temperature be taken — by a cow veterinarian. — Mark Carlson, Herald writer ... [Read More]
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Cash for Candy Hey kids: Here's a chance to fight Mr. Tooth Decay and put some money in your pocket. A dental clinic in Edmonds will pay $5 a pound for your Halloween candy. The idea isn't new. During the height of the housing boom, WaMu was accepting candy corn as payment on some of its subprime mortgages. And salt them, too: With winter weather approaching, AAA Washington offers 10 handy tips to get our cars ready. Failure to prepare for winter weather not only messes up your commute, but can even cost you your job. Just ask Seattle's lame-duck mayor, Greg Nickels. Last year, he failed to heed No. 11 on the winter driving tip sheet for elected officials: Make sure all of your city's freakin' snow-covered streets get plowed. Beeeeeep! The folks at your local fire department say now's a good time to check and replace, if necessary, the batteries in your home's smoke detectors. To test the alarms, try roasting coffee beans in your oven. Even better, get the entire family involved — have your teenager cook dinner. — Mark Carlson, Herald staff ... [Read More]
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What a deal! It'll do everything but cheat for you: Computer maker Acer Inc. is releasing a laptop with a 3-D screen that with the help of special glasses appears to give three-dimensional depth to images on screen. For just $780, the Acer Aspire 5738DG-6165 will make you believe you're using a real deck of cards when you play solitaire. And a big pink taxi came and took my girl away: Women in Puebla, Mexico, are big fans of a fleet of 35 pink taxi cabs that are driven by female cabbies and are meant only for female passengers who say they are tired of the leering and flirting they must endure from some male cab drivers. The other thing women say they like about the pink taxis? The seats are never left up. But Maaahm: Herald columnist Julie Muhlstein took a test drive in a new sport utility vehicle that allows parents to set some controls, such as stereo volume and even maximum speed, for the inexperienced drivers in the family. What the 2010 Ford Expedition can't do is silence the persistent whining sound from the driver's seat when it's occupied by a teen driver. —Jon Bauer, Herald staff ... [Read More]
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Monopoly? Luxury tax (Pay $100): A 19-year-old Norwegian student won $20,580 and the title of tycoon at the Monopoly World Championship in Las Vegas, when a competitor landed on North Carolina Avenue and was bankrupted when he couldn't afford the $1,600 rent. It's nice to see growing interest in old-fashioned board games that can take our minds off home foreclosures and other worries of the day. Go directly to jail: An adult hall monitor at a New York high school is facing larceny charges after suspicious teenagers planted a video camera in a locker and caught the woman stealing from students. And she would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those dang kids. You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $10: Fox news commentator and Everett native Glenn Beck's recent visit to his boyhood home of Mount Vernon to accept the key to the city cost between $10,000 and $18,000 in police overtime, that city's newspaper reports. Mount Vernon Mayor Bud Norris has asked Beck to return the key so he can open the lock on the city's cash box to pay the bill. ... [Read More]
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Sobering thoughts But Your Honor, I never left my chair: A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to drunken driving while operating a motorized recliner. The man had a blood alcohol level of 0.29 while driving his chair, part La-Z-Boy, part riding lawnmower, when it struck a parked car. We're more curious about what his blood alcohol level was when he got the idea to mount a recliner on a lawnmower. --- You'll excuse me for not shaking hands: Among this weekend's onstage choices in Seattle is “Puppetry of the Penis,” adult performance art by two men practiced in the art of “genital origami." We have not seen this show, but we're pretty sure that, once again, blood alcohol level had some part to play in the thought: “We should take this on the road.” --- What clown? A study concluded that people tend to miss things around them as they talk on cell phones when it noted that 25 percent of people using phones failed to notice a clown riding a unicycle through the campus of Western Washington University in Bellingham. Those who didn't see the clown said they were distracted by the guy in the motorized recliner and the two guys behind him practicing “genital origami.” ... [Read More]
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Super duuuperrr! Microsoft today releases its latest operating system, Windows 7, which has been earning positive reviews and is expected to erase bad memories about Vista, its reviled predecessor. So what does Microsoft do to celebrate? Introduce the software with that cute 4-year-old girl who says, “I'm a PC”? Nope. Next to a computer monitor it sits CEO Steve Ballmer, voted most likely to reprise Peter Boyle's portrayal of the monster in the musical version of “Young Frankenstein.” --- My Red Cross CPR class didn't cover this: About 58 percent of pet owners say they would perform mouth-to-snout resuscitation on their pets in an emergency. About 63 percent of dog owners and 53 percent of cat owners said they'd perform CPR. Fish owners just shrugged their shoulders. --- Shocking development: The maker of Taser stun guns is warning police agencies not to aim for a suspect's chest because of the risk of an “adverse cardiac event” and should instead aim for areas other than the chest. But not there, either. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment |
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