| HeraldNet - Snohomish County's online news source |
 SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2009 6:45 am |
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• Working out at Dunkin' Donuts November 27 • A special Thanksgiving edition November 26 • Dawgs, Turkeys and a day at the Beach November 25 • Apple Cup week ... oh who cares? November 25 • Soccer shocker, crazy shots and Seahawks fly south November 23 |
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Working out at Dunkin' Donuts THE LINEUP The top sports stories from today's edition of the Herald: 1. For Seahawks fans, a better season In case you're having trouble deciding what gift to buy your favorite NFL player this Christmas, The Herald's John Boyle offers some suggestions. John is in his first season covering the Seahawks after a couple years on the UW football team. By the way, if you're looking for a present for John, The Closer is sure he would appreciate the opportunity to cover a winning team for a change. 2. Getting all fired up Unlike their counterparts in the NFL, Archbishop Murphy High School defensive linemen Julius Tevaga and Tani Tupou don't perform elaborate, ego-inflating stunts every time they make a play on the football field. Too bad. Tevaga and Tupou, who have Hawaiian backgrounds, recently wowed a crowd at their school by performing an electrifying fire dance during a fund-raiser. Let's see Ochocinco top that one. 3. Hey, that guy sitting in Locker's seat looks familiar The Sour Apple Cup is just a day away, and The Closer can't (yawn) wait. Herald writer Scott Johnson notes that the UW-WSU rivalry has a history of producing close football games no matter how good or bad the two teams are. Sorry, Scott, The Closer is not buying it this year. The only way Saturday's game will be close is if UW quarterback Jack Locker misses the bus to Pullman or the UW suddenly reinstates Tyrone Willingham as head coach. 4. How 'bout a maple bar to go with those wind sprints? One of the pleasant surprises for the Everett Silvertips this season has been the maturation of 17-year-old defenseman Alex Theriau. Theriau credits his increased strength and speed to workouts over the summer in his native Duncan, B.C. The Closer used to work out in Duncan, B.C, too. No, what a minute, that was Dunkin' Donuts. My bad. THE WARMUP PITCH Man overboard The best quote of the day comes from former Marysville-Pilchuck High School basketball standout Jared Stohl, who scored 15 points and made all five of his 3-point attempts in Portland's shocking 74-47 win over UCLA on Thursday. “It was like throwing rocks into the ocean,” Stohl said. After the Bruins' dismal performance, UCLA coach Ben Howland probably wanted to toss his entire team in the Pacific. Scaling new heights The second-best quote of the day comes from Oakland Raiders cornerback Nnamdi Assomugha (pronounced “John Smith”) who said after Thursday's 24-7 loss to Dallas that “trying to win two games (in a row) for us has been like trying to climb Mount Everest.” Of course, the most important part of scaling Everest is having the right guide. Looks like it's time to replace Raiders owner Al Davis with a Sherpa. You say good offense, I say bad defense No. 3-ranked Texas moved a step closer to a spot in the BS, oh, excuse me, BCS title game with a 49-39 win over Texas A&M on Thursday. Texas coach Mack Brown said the game was an offensive treat for fans around the country. Certainly the fans in Florida and Alabama enjoyed watching the Texas defense give up 39 points. Those fans could be seen licking their chops — and it wasn't in anticipation of turkey and pumpkin pie. My 401K is not looking so good either The Seattle Seahawks didn't play Thursday, but they still suffered a significant defeat. With a surprisingly lopsided 26-6 win over the New York Giants, the Denver Broncos improved to 7-4, further decreasing the value of their first-round pick in the 2010 draft — a pick owned by the Seahawks. CURVEBALLS News from the wacky world of sports: The cost of losing The Wigan soccer tam in the English Premier Division offered fans a full ticket refund after a recent 9-1 loss to Nottingham. The Closer likes the idea of offering fans a money-back guarantee, but also understands there is not nearly enough cash in the state coffers to satisfy Husky and Cougar fans who witnessed the 2008 and 2009 football seasons, especially when you figure in the damages due for mental anguish. Oh, so that's what RPI stands for If you're a fan of March Madness, you've heard commentators discuss something called the RPI. What is it? The Closer has no idea. But now comes a clue. Former Arlington football player Tim Acker recently completed his senior football season at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute by earning all-league honors. Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute? The acronym is ... RPI! The Closer has long been a conspiracy theorist and now is convinced that his Final Four bracket is ultimately determined by a bunch of engineering geeks from a tiny school in upstate New York. Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
A special Thanksgiving edition TODAY'S LINEUP A daily look at the top five stories in this morning's edition of The Herald 1. Is there enough room in the woodshed for BOTH teams? The annual Apple Cup resumes this weekend, and once again the two participants are trying to snap long losing streaks. In this morning's Herald, we look at one local player who, like the rest of us, doesn't want to watch this one. But WSU's Marshall Lobbestael has his own reasons: he'd rather be playing. 2. Will the next Jon Brockman please stand up? The Herald looks at the upcoming prep basketball season. Just don't tell Clay Bennett about these guys – he'll undoubtedly try to kidnap them like Kid Durant and the Gang. 3. Like a bull behind five ants As bad as the St. Louis Rams have gotten over the years, at least they've still got Steven Jackson. The bruising running back is having another good season – not that anybody outside of St. Louis would noticce. One thing The Closer knows is that the Seahawks know what Jackson can do. Kelly Jennings has the bruises to prove it. THE WARMUP PITCH What's happening in the world of sports So what's on TV? … And please don't tell me it's the Lions … Ugh, it's the Lions Our annual reason to actually help out in the kitchen has arrived, as the Lions and the Cowboys will be back on television for today's scant helpings of football. The Lions host the surging Green Bay Packers, while out own Tom Cable gets to have his dirty laundry aired out while walking the sideline as Raiders coach in Big D. There's also a night game on the channel nobody gets. But look on the bright side: you don't have to watch the Seahawks and Rams for three more days. Not a bad place to spend the holidays The Gonzaga men's basketball team made it to the final of the Maui tournament. The Closer didn't wait around to see how the Bulldogs did on Wednesday night … he was too busy trying to figure out where to sign up for team manager on next year's team. They do travel, right? CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports … Now it's a soccer town … today, anyway The never-ending cycle of bandwagons upon which Seattle fans like to attach themselves has stopped on soccer, and and the world of soccer has taken notice. We were a HUGE baseball town, too … when the M's won 116. And football … when the Seahawks went to the Super Bowl. And … oh, just say it: we'd be pinball fans if Mariner High School led the state in tilts. Kids: Don't drive drunk _ especially if your team is struggling A disturbing story from our neighbors to the south. David Adelman, the son of Houston Rockets coach Rick Adelman, was busted for drinking and driving after the parent of one of his high school basketball players set up a sting operation outside of a Portland Taco Bell. The Closer never uses the drive-thru at Taco Bell, if only because my blood-alcohol level has to be at least .30 for him to go there. He didn't want to leave Vince Young hanging for fear he'd get depressed An NFL referee came under fire after high-fiving Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young following a touchdown pass on Monday night. What's next? Ed Hochuli getting in trouble for chest-bumping Jeremy Shockey onto IR? THE RUNDOWN In honor of the holiday, we give you the top five turkeys of the year: 5. Lane Kiffin: Was it just me, or did you find yourself rooting for the classier of the coaches in that UCLA-Tennessee game a couple months back? And by “classier,” we're talking about Rick Neuheisel. 4. Serena Williams: Threatening a defenseless lineswoman? Maybe if Serena didn't have a racquet and linebacker's build, it might've been a fair fight. 3. Bud Adams: We've got one good reason he's on this list. We just can't show you what it is. 2. LaGarrette Blount: If he'd had his way, every fan in Boise would have a black eye right now. Instead, only the Oregon football program does. 1. Charlie Weis: Hey, he's already a dead man walking. Why don't we just fry the meaty guy up and serve him with cranberry sauce? ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Dawgs, Turkeys and a day at the Beach TODAY'S LINEUP A daily look at the top stories in this morning's edition of The Herald We win in the end because he's the one who has to live in Spokane Former Silvertips star Kyle Beach is back in town to face his former team, and this time the only cowbell ringing will come when he gets his bell rung. Raising OCD adults one student at a time Local high school teams are trying to be proactive when it comes to the flu this winter season. The Closer suggests the best way to keep from feeling ill is to stay away from Sunday's Seahawks-Rams game. Losing is not an option ... unless it's Sunday afternoon The struggling Seahawks are trying not to get used to losing, Mark Mangino is trying not to get used to being fat, and Britney Spears is trying not to get used to lip-synching. Huskies get a head start on Thanksgiving Turkey pursuit The University of Washington had to go all the way to Turkey, via Las Vegas, via Southern California, to find its next recruit. The last time UW went the turkey route, Rick Neuheisel was hired as head football coach. An argument for letting college games finish in a tie Huskies kicker Erik Folk missed last year's Apple Cup while nursing a hip injury, forcing him to watch as WSU's Nico Grasu hit the game-winning field goal in overtime. This time around, Grasu is the injured one, and Folk is hoping to be the hero. If he really wants to be a hero, Folk will file his transfer papers and be on the field for Central Washington in time for Saturday's playoff game. THE WARMUP PITCH He hears there may be an opening somewhere between Tacoma and Everett Mike Holmgren has turned down the Buffalo Bills, citing his desire to pursue other jobs. Holmgren joined Marty Schottenheimer and Bill Cowher on the Bills' thanks-but-no-thanks list. The only person still in the running is Mike Shanahan, who has been impressed by the quality of Buffalo tanning booths and, in a pinch, could always coat his face with wing sauce. Fighting? And drinking? The Irish wouldn't have it any other way Notre Dame is quickly becoming The Closer's favorite target. Quarterback Jimmy Clausen has a black eye, coach Charlie Weis has a steaming behind, and the only questions reporters are allowed to ask this week begin and end with the word ‘Stanford.' Forget the Cardinal; we want to hear more about Clausen getting jumped by a “fan.” With friends like these, who needs 160-pound linebackers from Navy? The ballots had only one name, and it was already punched In the least surprising news of the day (not including Steve Sarkisian's bombshell that the Huskies and Cougars would prefer to throw the records out this week), Albert Pujols was named NL most valuable player. The Herald's Kirby Arnold, a known Cardinals fan, reportedly voted Pujols first, Pujols second and Ozzie Smith third. Carolina has nothing on the Evergreen State when it comes to basketball The faces change, but the results stay the same for the Gonzaga basketball team. The Bulldogs won again Tuesday night and stand one game from raising the Maui Invitational trophy. Washington's three main schools are a combined 11-1 this season. As for football? There's only one team in this state, and it certainly ain't the Seahawks. She got game ... and two chipped fingernails Freshman sensation Brittney Griner dunked in the early moments of Baylor's 104-45 win over Jacksonville State on Tuesday night. Rumor has it that Bill Belichick called the Baylor coach and scolded him for not shooting more 3-pointers down the stretch. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports … The Seahawks' problem is the players are all over the hill The Bullpen isn't in the market of unearthing future stars, but these two kids — and we do mean KIDS — are certainly in the running for first kindergartener picked at recess. Linebacker Nyrel Sevilla has more pop than a Coke machine, while quarterback Harrison Bailey throws better than anyone the 49ers have had since Steve Young. (By the way, is it just me, or is the guy who Sevilla de-cleats look like Justin Forsett against the Vikings?) He never gave USC's Trojans this much competition The Cincinnati Bengals' most famous receiver might as well change his name to Chad Muchomarketer. The Ocho One is at it again, only this time he's trying to sell ... His new product is ... He's going into the business of ... Let's just say the player who used to be known as Chad Johnson has become an expert on protection — and we're not talking about Carson Palmer's blind side. Finally! Squeaky-clean Brockman does something illegal The praise doesn't get much higher than this. OK, maybe it could get three inches higher. Anyway, Sacramento Kings coach Paul Westphal said recently that if Jon Brockman were a three inches taller, “he'd be illegal, he's so good.” The King of Snohomish avoided future jail time by reminding his coach: “I'm not going to grow any.” Yeah? Wish we could say the same for Clay Bennett's nose. A reason to cast a vote for Jim Mora as NBA coach of the year The Daily Oklahoman has crunched some numbers and discovered that eight of the past 10 NBA coach-of-the-year winners have since been fired. What the article doesn't tell you is that eight of the last 10 coaches to coach Allen Iverson have taken up drinking. Yeah, but they're REALLY good at cross country and softball A national columnist who has yet to realize that the faux-hawk is two years out of style has just realized that the Pac-10 is overmatched in men's basketball this season. Next, he's going to write a column about the NFC West lacking playoff contenders. THE RUNDOWN The Apple Cup is here again ... and the state of Washington couldn't possibly be more embarrassed. The way The Closer sees it, there are only five rivalries more pathetic than UW-WSU: 5. Knicks vs. Nets: The two teams closest to Rucker Park are a combined 3-25 this season. The best NBA news to come out of the greater New York area was that the Knicks WEREN'T going to sign Allen Iverson. But Stephon Marbury invited him to sit courtside. 4. 49ers vs. Rams: This one goes back to the days of the SoCal-NorCal rivalry. Now it's just an annual battle for second place. In the NFC West. And that means, first team to win five games wins. 3. Duke vs. Carolina: No, silly. Not basketball. We're talking football here. The Blue Devils and Tar Heels have so little tradition on the gridiron that it might as well be a baby-blue powder-puff game. 2. Jimmy Clausen vs. The Heckler: This one-sided fight came down to a cheap shot well after the whistle. It also gave the school a new nickname: The In-fighting Irish. 1. Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote: It's been almost three years, and still the persistent pursuer can't catch the scrappy frontrunner. But enough about the Apple Cup rivalry … ba-da-boom! ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment Apple Cup week ... oh who cares? TODAY’S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in today’s Herald Is blood thicker than Applesauce When it comes to Saturday’s Apple Cup there’s plenty of families that have stakes on both sides. There’s the Trufants, with Desmond a freshman on the Huskies this season and Marcus a former Cougar, and the Lockers, with Jake a Husky, and cousin, Casey, on WSU. The real question, though, is will any of the family members be watching come Saturday? Northern giants Three local hockey teams are traveling throughout British Columbia to take on some of the best junior hockey teams our Neighbor to the North has to offer. One boy in particular loves the bus rides so much he said he could never see getting tired of them. Hey, if they had Xbox and limitless beer and funyuns on the Madden Cruiser The Closer would agree. Taking him for Granted The Seahawks secondary may be down a player. Oh, yeah, the secondary that was just strafed by Brett Favre and Co. may be without safety Deon Grant, who suffered a wrist injury, may be out a significant amount of time. Hey that opens up a shot for Lawyer Milloy to step up. And The Closer feels that’s fitting. A former Cougar (Marcus Trufant) and Husky (Milloy) working together toward mediocrity. Consider it a mercy trade Portland’s longtime goalie Kurtis Mucha was dealt to the Kamloops Blazers after suffering through three seasons of nearly continues losing with the Winterhawks. And there’s really no worse position in sports to be on a losing team than goalkeeper in hockey. Well, except maybe center for the Cougars football team. THE WARMUP PITCH ... And this one’s for losing to UConn Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen was reportedly punched by an angry fan outside of a South Bend restaurant on Sunday morning. Good thing Charlie Weis is staying indoors or this really could have gotten out of hand. This Pujols kids is good St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols was named the National League MVP on Tuesday in unanimous fashion. That’s what a .327 batting average, 47 home runs and 137 RBI will get you in this day and age. Of course eight years ago he would have finished 12th. CURVE BALLS Wild and wacky news from the world of sports There’s no doubt that actor Omar Epps bears a close resemblance to Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin, and on Monday’s episode of the TV show “House,” the main character, House, made reference to it. Watch and enjoy: ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Soccer shocker, crazy shots and Seahawks fly south TODAY'S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in today's Herald: Land of 10,000 tears In a game that was over by halftime, the Seahawks allowed the ol' gunslinger Brett Favre to throw for four touchdowns — and Tarvaris Jackson to throw for one! — in a 35-9 loss to the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday. The numbers were ugly: Seattle rushed for just four yards and went 1-for-10 on third downs. The Closer has a pretty good idea what head coach JIm Mora said afterward, and it had something to do with the Seahawks "still working hard." Hey, what about The Closer? You know how hard it is to watch these games? A Real shocker Real Salt Lake beat favorite L.A. Galaxy in penalty kicks to win the MLS Cup Sunday night at Qwest Field. MLS commissioner Don Garber couldn't contain his excitement over Seattle and the city's expansion club, the Sounders FC, but he was less than thrilled with the stadium's field turf. Garber did add that if the city wanted to host the MLS Cup again the price would have to be right. This sounds familiar It's Apple Cup week, which means it's time for Husky and Cougars fans to break out those tired jokes and the opposing coaches to start talking about pride. Though the subject is a lot easier for Steve Sarkisian this year than Paul Wulff. Redmon's revenge Katelan Redmon, who transferred to Gonzaga from UW after her freshman season, led her new team to a big win over her old team. Redmon finished with 18 points to drop the Huskies to a 1-2 record and help Gonzaga improve to 3-1. Looks like you made the right decision, Katelan. THE WEEKEND REWIND What happened in the world of sports while you were out hunting for that elusive turkey The Civil War just got kicked up a notch The state of Oregon is frothing at the mouth in anticipation of this Saturday's Oregon-Oregon State game. The Ducks win over Arizona and the Beavers dismantling of WSU on Saturday means the Civil War will determine the Pac-10's Rose Bowl entrant. The Closer will now light his hair on fire and dunk his head in a gas can. Sorry, Charlie Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis' job security was already hanging by a thread before the Fighting Irish were beaten by UConn. Now ... well, The Closer is sure ol' Charlie is dialing up his old buddy Bill Belichick and seeing what it'll take to get his old job back. Meanwhile, UConn, which was struck by tragedy a few weeks ago, gave fans a feel-good moment with their win. Les is more Louisiana State's comeback attempt against Ole Miss went down the tubes when the Tigers spiked the ball with no time left on the clock. LSU head coach Les Miles was adamant in the post-game press conference that he didn't call for the "clocker," though the video below would seem to show otherwise. Oh, Les, you crazy fella. Hey, Bill, I can do it too Unlike most of the talking heads, Yale head coach Tom Williams was apparently all for Bill Belichick's decision to go for it on fourth-and-2 last Sunday against the Colts. Williams not only went for it late in Saturday's game while leading Harvard 10-7, but he called a fake punt on fourth-and-22. Witness the madness for yourself: Still perfect The Saints made it look easy, while the Colts grinded out another win, but both teams now stand at 10-0 and are everybody's favorite to end up in Miami for the Super Bowl. The real question, though, is who will former Sainst QB Archie Manning be pulling for? The Closer hopes it's the 'Aints. Your kid already has a ring, Archie. Lions in winter Detroit and Cleveland, arguably the two worst NFL teams, played arguably the best game on Sunday. Rookie QB Matthew Stafford led the Lions on a game-winning drive, which culminated in Stafford throwing the final touchdown with no time left on the clock and his left arm dangling at his side. The Closer has mixed feelings on this: Sure he likes that the hard-luck Lions won a game, but every Browns loss makes it more and more likely Mike Holmgren will soon be calling Cleveland home. Bruuuuuuuccce!!! Never underestimate Bruce Gradkowski. The Raiders new quarterback led the Silver and Black to a win over AFC North-leading Cincinnati on Sunday, showing former No. 1 pick JaMarcus Russell that it is possible to complete more than 50 percent of one's passes and lead the Raiders to a win. After the game, Russell said he could've led the team to a win, but he just didn't feel like it. It's Kobe's world The Lakers rolled over the former SuperSonics on Sunday and all-world Kobe Bryant hit a behind-the-backboard shot just for fun. (Watch below). The Closer is sure that Bryant was just showing last year's H-O-R-S-E winner, Kevin Durant, how it was done. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ... Wrong hoop, Nate Knicks guard and former UW star Nate Robinson got in trouble with head coach Mike D'Antoni after he shot at the opposing basket as time ran out in the first quarter of a recent game. I bet Steve Nash never did that, Mike. Favre-mania goes international Wisconsin soldiers have been getting flak from detainees in Baghdad about — you guessed it — Brett Favre. The Closer feels there's a real potential for torture there, however. Place the detainees in front of a TV and put on ESPN's Favre coverage on a loop. They'll be singin' in no time. Full moon over Chicago The Internet is atwitter over some video from Sunday night's game between Chicago and Philadelphia. When Bears WR Devin Hester went up for a pass his pants seemed to be pulled down from behind by an Eagles defender. Watch at your own risk: Asking for trouble The Bowl Championship Series hired a new PR firm and the first thing they did was start a Twitter feed. Bad idea. Let the entirety of human madness spill forth. Ridin' the Night Train Television personality Stephen Colbert took a trip down the bobsled track with an Olympic bobsled team and said it was the most exhilirating ride of his life. Colbert, who recently had his “Colbert Nation” sponsor the U.S. speedskating team, may have been trying out for the team. Though he did ask later if the spectators heard him screaming like a little girl. Yes, Stephen, yes we did. THE RUNDOWN As the Winter Olympics draw near, The Closer thought it'd be a good time to take a look at the celebrities he'd most like to see in competition: 1. Sylvester Stallone, biathlon: Rambo on skis. Does it get any better than that? 2. Tom Cruise, short track speedskating: The Cruiser's lack of stature (the guy's a shrimp) would come in handy and his tenacity would definitely pay dividends when he's got to fight off those South Koreans 3. Drew Carey, ski jumping: It's not just the Price is Rights host resembles Eddie the Eagle, but could you imagine that Sounders FC scarf flapping in the wind as he hurtles 200 feet into the wind. 4. Will Ferrell, figure skating: We've seen this before, but he could spice it up by dressing like George W. Bush. 5. ZZ Top, curling: With those beards, who needs brooms! ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
The everyone must go edition TODAY’S LINEUP A daily look at the top five stories in this morning’s edition of The Herald 1. It’s OK to carry a torch for this girl Lynnwood resident Kelly Tysland won’t be competing in Vancouver this winter, but that’s fine with her. Before she got married and took a new name, Tysland was Kelly Stephens, a member of the 2006 Olympic women’s hockey team that competed in Turin, Italy. She now works at a wellness center, which The Closer thinks should be the politically-correct name for a penalty box. 2. Saving the best for last, Part I The word of the night was drama. The Silvertips battled from behind for most of their game against Kamloops, but the hard work paid off in the end. The Tips’ shootout win sent Comcast Arena into a frenzy, not to be outdone by … 3. Saving the best for last, Part II The Washington women’s basketball team needed a little late heroics of its own on Wednesday night. Sami Whitcomb scored 15 points in the final 3 1/2 minutes, including the game-winning 3-pointer in the final seconds. She also took the keys to the team bus and carried her teammates back to their dorm rooms on her shoulders. 4. Somewhere in the Santa Cruz Mountains, Mike Holmgren is shuddering at the sound of the name Steve Hutchinson is facing the Seahawks this weekend, reminding Seahawks fans how far this team has fallen. Why can’t the Vikings sign Julius Jones, Deion Branch and Jordan Babineaux to one of those “unmatchable” contracts? THE WARMUP PITCH We’d like to see what Wakamatsu could’ve done with Lackey, Torii and Vlad One day after the Mariners’ Felix Hernandex got passed over for the Cy Young, Don Wakamatsu had to watch another AL West manager get a major award. The Angels’ Mike Scioscia and Colorado’s Jim Tracy took home manager-of-the-year honors. The Cub’s Lou Piniella has been named the most likely to soon be an ex-manager. They also just realized that Al Davis might be old The Oakland Raiders finally figured out what the rest of the world already knew: that JaMarcus Russell ain’t the answer. Bruce Gradkowski will replace Russell, who’s so embarrassed that he might be considering changing his name. May we suggest Tim Couch? David Carr? Apparently, they’re too impatient to wait for Paul Wulff The Buffalo Bills have reportedly started their search for Dick Jauron’s replacement, and some big names are starting to surface. Two coaches with Super Bowl rings are at the top of the Bills’ list. Even better, Shanahan and Cowher have lost Super Bowls, which is just how they like it in Buffalo. Hey, at least these Irish don’t have to put up with Charlie Weis A controversial call helped France tie Ireland in a key World Cup qualifier Tuesday. French star Thierry Henry doesn’t just mix up his first and last names; he also can’t tell his hands from his feet. Now he’s developing a wrist shot … look out NHL It’s been a bad week for Kings. First, King Felix gets snubbed for the Cy Young, and now King James hurt his wrist while dunking. The Closer hurt his wrist on a rim once, but I made the shot … successfully landing the used Kleenex in a nearby garbage can. As far as Lebron goes, he’s not supposed to miss any action because of the injury. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports … Please … please … PLEASE let this be the end of this story The runner that may or may not be a female was back in the news this week. He, uh, she, uh … the runner isn’t losing his, uh, her, uh … the medal that the runner won, but the international track people aren’t letting on as to whether he, uh, she is a him or a her. Can whatever it is just run away? Please? And speaking of mug shots we’re tired of seeing … Kansas football coach Mark Mangino continues to get grilled, and it’s the only first grill from which he has turned away. Thanks for the offer, but the Browns don’t like world-class athletes Lebron James wants to try his hand at football, offering to play for the Cleveland Browns, and it’s drawn the ire of a few NFL players. Jeremy Shockey is among them, saying that James is barely qualified to be on a practice squad. Oh, well. The Browns already have 53 practice squad players. It saved them a lot of money on uniform letter stitching The Minnesota Vikings put the full-court press on receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh during free agency, but they’re not crying about missing out on him. Think T.J. is kicking himself for moving out west instead of north? THE RUNDOWN The Buffalo Bills became the first NFL team that officially has a job opening for a head coach. Whether it’s Shanahan, Holmgren, Cowher or Billick, there are plenty of coaches out there with Super Bowl rings. But The Closer doesn’t like to state the obvious. Here are five guys the Bills would be wise NOT to hire: 5. Jerry Glanville: The guy’s certainly available. But the ex-Atlanta Falcons and, most recently, Portland State coach is a better fit for television than the sidelines. Besides, he’s have to get a fur-covered hat, and Buffalo doesn’t need any PETA protests outside Rich Stadium. 4. Bobby Petrino: Actually, this might be the perfect guy for an interim label. You hire him in a couple weeks, he coaches three games and skips town. But then you’re right back where you started. 3. The original Jim Mora: He certainly has been the best coach in his family, but the father of the Seahawks’ coach is so far removed from the game that when he says “Playoffs? Playoffs?”, it might be because he really can’t remember what those are. 2. Jeff Garcia: Like Glanville, he’s currently unemployed. But it’s safe to assume that his offensive play-calling would curiously leave out a receiver whose nickname sounds like a timeout. And without T.O., the Buffalo offense is … well, still just as bad. 1. Lane Kiffin: The more we hear from this guy, the more we’re starting to like Al Davis. His act has already grown tired in football-mad Knoxville, and the fans in Buffalo would have him skewered and covered in hot-wing sauce after only about a week or two. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Of Prince, charity and kidney stones TODAY’S LINEUP A daily look at the top five stories in this morning’s edition of The Herald 1. Does this mean he’s being downgraded to Prince? The Mariners’ Felix Hernandez came up short — shorter than expected, if you ask The Closer — in his bid for a Cy Young. The award ended up going to a Kansas City Royals pitcher whose best pitch may well have been the ability to keep the Royals somewhat relevant. KC can have its Zack Greinke. We’ll take our King Felix, thank you. 2. Here’s a tip: No more .240-hitting forty-somethings Speaking of the M’s, manager Don Wakamatsu has already started thinking ahead to next season. He could start by cloning Felix Hernandez and taking away the clubhouse keys of anyone whose name rhymes with Mooniesky Metancourt. 3. Maybe we should change their name to the Everett Boy Scouts The Everett Silvertips get the good deed award after this gesture of good faith. If we were all this kind, the world would be a better place. And The Closer would have been shipped off to Pluto years ago. 4. But when will they start playing the 2008-09 season? The UW women’s basketball team is set to play its home opener tonight. Unless they’re planning on using the Elizabeth Lambert defensive scheme, they’re probably not beating BYU. 5. The Closer would take a month off, thank you UW women’s basketball player Kristi Kingma had a unique excuse for sitting out Saturday’s road game at Portland State. Kingma was suffering from kidney stones. No word yet on whether she’s suffering from denture irritation or varicose veins. THE WARMUP PITCH When can we start calling them Holmgren’s Zeroes? Another one of Mike Holmgren’s former assistants was fired Tuesday, which leaves only Andy Reid and Jim “Wait While We Check the Washington Post’s Web site To Make Sure He’s Still Employed Today” Zorn as former Holmgren assistants who are leading NFL teams. Mariucci, Mornhinwhig, Rhodes, Gruden, Sherman and Jauron have all moved on. And we’re still trying to figure out when Eric Mangini coached under Holmgren. Oh, and the Bills replaced Dick Jauron by hiring the lead singer of Jane’s Addiction. Twenty-four hours of heaven ESPN made The Closer’s day by televising 24 consecutive hours of college hoops on Tuesday. Among the highlights were near upsets of No. 1 Kansas and No. 2 Michigan State. The Closer is so burnt about Gonzaga’s near miss that he’s not going to go through the weekly routine of sending Mark Few a mixed tape of love songs this week. All they told him was to please pick up Dick Jauron at the airport Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis seems to be the only man in America who thinks the Irish have yet to decide on their future coaching situation. The only comment Bill Belichick has on his former assistant’s situation is that Weis is looking at fourth-and-2 and a six-point lead. He might want to get a refund from the pharmacy Wide receiver Dwayne Bowe of the hapless Kansas City Chiefs has been suspended four games after testing positive for a banned substance. He’s the second Chiefs player suspended for using a banned substance in the last month ... if you count Twitter as a substance, that is. ‘And about that holding penalty: it’s not like he kicked the guy in the head!’ Tennessee football coach Lane Kiffin is on the defensive again, and this time even his Cover-2-minded dad can’t bail him out. The Volunteers are getting in trouble at such a furious rate that the Cincinnati Bengals have already extended a half dozen contracts. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports … Two guys The Closer wouldn’t want mad at him Terrell Suggs and Ray Lewis are mad at Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn for a hit that could put an end to Suggs’s season. The Closer says it was the only hit the Browns made all night. Next week, they’re playing against a wheelchair team Some former New England Patriots players have come under fire for roughing up a bunch of 17-year-olds in a charity basketball game. We’d love to see these washed-up has-beens try their antics in the WHL. And that thumb-to-nose gesture was meant purely out of respect ... Two of the Pac-10’s most annoying football coaches are bickering this week after Stanford’s Jim Harbaugh got creative in the waning minutes of the Cardinal’s blowout win over Pete Carroll’s USC Trojans. Harbaugh said he meant nothing by it. The Closer also meant nothing by it when he told The Seattle Times to stick their so-called newspaper where the sun don’t shine. ‘Next time you cut in line at an all-you-can-eat buffet, I swear I’m gonna …’ Kansas football coach/’Biggest Loser’ candidate Mark Mangino is in trouble after poking one of his players in the chest. The school is now looking at past allegations from thousands of ex-Jayhawks that Mangino addressed them while continually bumping them with his stomach. THE RUNDOWN The college basketball season got kicked off right on Tuesday: with twenty-four HOURS of basketball. The Closer can only think of five things he would rather see on a 24-hour cycle: 5. Ron Artest at The Palace: We usually don’t condone violence at The Bullpen. But just for these 24 hours ... with a full house ... we don’t even need the Pistons to show up. 4. Russian women’s strip tennis: Maria Sharapova, that ball was out. Please remove your left shoe. 3. Dancing with Paul Wulff: He teaches the finer points of that Apple Cup celebration, followed by a two-step move out of Pullman. 2. Dennis Green press conferences: ‘Coach Green, we hear that you liked to overlook your opponents.’ Press play ... and enjoy. 1. The 2001 Mariners season: Only without that nuisance known as the postseason. ... 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Coaches say the craziest things edition TODAY’S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in today’s Herald Still crazy after all these losses Seahawks head coach Jim Mora used a little sarcasm Monday to get his point across about his unhappiness with the officiating in Sunday’s loss to Arizona. Mora was particularly upset about an elbow that QB Matt Hasselbeck received from Darnell Dockett after a play was over, and said he sent 17 play to the league office to be reviewed. Oh boy, it seems Jim’s about two more losses from turning into his dad. Pride and prejudice It seems the Apple Cup is yet again for pride. With the Huskies and Cougars both out of the bowl picture, UW head coach Steve Sarkisian said that it’s not about “Rose Bowls or Pac-10 championships” this year. It’s not even about the GalleryFurniture.com Bowl, Steve. Back to his glory days Sean Higgins, who won a national championship with the Michigan Wolverines in Seattle in 1989, is back in the Northwest to coach the Edmonds CC men’s basketball team. Higgins said the Final Four in 1989 “was crazy. You’re talking about 50,000 people. It was the biggest venue I ever played in.” He can expect about 49,990 less people at Tritons games. THE WARMUP PITCH Cincy takes a chance The Cincinnati Bengals have swept AFC North rivals the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers and are on their way to winning the division. So why are they rocking the boat? Cincinnati is reportedly signing Larry Johnson, who was recently run out of Kansas City, to be its fourth-string running back. The Closer figures that since Chris Henry was recently put on IR, the Bengals needed to get its number of headcases back up. Old Browns beat New Browns After playing the first scoreless half of football in the NFL in the first half Monday, Baltimore and Cleveland didn’t make ESPN programmers feel any better in the second half. The Ravens scored a pair of touchdowns, including an interception returned for a score, in the span of 17 seconds to beat the hapless Cleveland Browns 16-0. After the game, Browns coach Eric Mangini texted his old buddy, Bill Belichick, and wrote: “Could be worse, buddy.” Zack attack Royals starter Zack Greinke won the American League Cy Young Award on Tuesday, beating out, among others, M’s ace Felix Hernandez, who came in second in the voting. That darn midwest bias. Zags start tough stretch Gonzaga begins the most challenging part of its schedule tonight when it takes on second-ranked Michigan State (5 p.m., ESPN). After MSU, the upmcoming schedule includes Duke, Wake Forest, Oklahoma, Illinois and Memphis. It’d been even tougher if Few wasn’t afraid to play UW. CURVE BALLS Here, have a drink A Pittsburgh Steelers fan claims he was poisoned by a Chicago Bears fan at a local Chicago watering hole. After some good-natured ribbing between himself and some Bears fans, Zack Heddinger was offered a drink that he then consumed. He then lost his vision and his heart stopped, which to be fair could have been side-effects of the Bears season so far. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Desert doom and Roses bloom TODAY'S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in today's Herald Death in the desert The Seahawks started great, but then fell apart in the second half and now their playoff hopes are likely dust in the wind. Trailing the Seahawks at halftime, Arizona outscored Seattle 21-3 in the second half to sweep the season series. The Seahawks may have lost their playoff hopes in the desert, but they seem to have found a running game. The Closer could swear he's seen that Louis Rankin dance number before, however. Q has a ball Husky forward Quincy Pondexter scored a career-high 29 points as UW crushed Portland State 111-50 Sunday night. Pondexter said after the game that he was fired up by words PSU and former Husky Phil Nelson said earlier in the week. It was the most productive thing Nelson ever did for the UW hoops program. Too much time off ... or not enough After a crushing loss to Oregon State on Saturday, the Huskies have two weeks to get things straightened out before facing rival Washington State. Hey look as long as we're being honest, UW may be struggling but they really only need about two hours to prepare for that team they're fielding in the Palouse this year. Going under the knife M's catcher Rob Johnson has already undergone two surgeries and is slated to undergo a third this Tuesday. Johnson recently told Herald writer Kirby Arnold that he learned a lot from veteran Ken Griffey Jr. this past season. Apparently Griffey also taught Johnson how to get injured. THE WEEKEND REWIND Helping you catch up with the news you missed while your were singin' in the rain Cracklin' Rose-y The Big Ten submitted its entry for this season's Rose Bowl on Saturday - Ohio State, again! - but the Pac-10 still has some work to do in figuring out who will represent the conference in the Grandaddy of Them All. The Closer handicaps the race: Driver's seat Ducks: Oregon controls its own destiny, and needs wins over Arizona and Oregon State to punch its ticket to Pasadena for the first time since 1995. Money well spent, Phil Knight. Eager Beavers: Oregon State steamrolled UW on Saturday to keep its hope alive to make it to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1942. But the Beavs must win out, and a big game against Wazzu may stand in the Beavers way. Oh, who are we kidding, a game against Wazzu is like a bye. Cardinal chances: Coming off its dominating performance over Southern Cal on Saturday, Stanford can head to its first Rose Bowl since 2000 if it beats Cal, Oregon loses to Arizona, Oregon State loses the Civil War and Arizona falls to either Cal or Southern Cal. That's a few too many dominoes. Of course Oregon could beat Arizona and lose to Oregon State in the Civil War, but WSU would have to beat the Beavers this Saturday ... oh, nevermind. Wildcat longshot: Arizona must win out to have a chance at its first Rose Bowl appearance, but that includes wins over Oregon, Cal and Southern Cal. The chances of that are like 500-1 ... or about the same odds the Huskies had of beating the Wildcats with less than two minutes remaining a month ago. Everyone's madder in Texas The Horned Frogs of Texas Christian University continued to make its case for a shot at the national title with its 55-28 win over No. 16 Utah on Saturday. The Utes were realistically the last team that had a shot at knocking off TCU, so we can all prepare for the congressmen and senators from the great state of Texas to start pulling the hair out when the Horned Frogs get passed over. But, with TCU now No. 4, really the only way - besides a loss - TCU doesn't get a shot at the national title game is if Texas remains undefeated. Hear that? That was the sound of 100 self-important Texans putting away their pitchforks and the BCS powers-that-be letting out a collective sigh of relief. NFL Patriot (stubborn) way Maybe this whole genius thing has gone to his head. Ahead by six points with a little more than two minutes to play Sunday night, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick decided to go for it on fourth-and-2 against the Colts. New England didn't make it and Indianapolis scored a little more than a minute later to win the game 35-34. Of course the one who paid for Belichick's mistake was the cameraman for NFL Films. CURVE BALLS Flying the birds Tennessee had no problem with Buffalo on Sunday and owner Bud Adams thought he should let the visiting Bills know exactly how he felt about them. A fan caught Adams flipping the bird to the Bills from his owners box during Sunday's game. He later told all the Bills to get off his lawn. Slappin' good times There apparently isn't much to do in Oklahoma City. Thunder forward Kevin Durant and some friends recently got into a little slap fight to pass the time. To be fair, the winner did get the right to tip the first cow later that night. No more pain Baseball commentator Tim McCarver has released an album of him crooning over some smooth jazz stylings. In one song, which was remixed masterfully here, McCarver sings about "sleepless nights," "the daily fights" and wishing he "were in love again." Sounds like a Mariners fan. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Dueling Silvertips and the Geezer Bowl TODAY'S LINEUP The top sports stories from today's edition of The Herald: 1. Give me a C, give me an A ... The Everett Silvertips return home tonight after being on the road for nearly three weeks. The highlight of the trip, Herald writer Nick Patterson notes, was the anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better duel waged between Tips goalies Thomas Heemskerk and Kent Simpson, who each turned in a string of sparkling performances. In basketball, they call that a game of H-O-R-S-E. What is it in hockey? C-A-R-I-B-O-U? 2.It was the Lions, for goodness sake! The Seahawks' company line this week is that Sunday's come-from-behind victory over the Dandy-Lions was “definitely a character builder.” Uh-oh. Character is what coaches start building when they realize constructing a winning team is out of the question. 3. Look out, boys, here comes the backhoe The UW football team's lack of a consistent pass rush is a major concern for head coach Steve Sarkisian heading into Saturday's game against the Pac-10's hottest passer, Oregon State QB Sean Canfield. “We just have to keep digging,” Sarkisian said when asked what his team needs to do to put more pressure on the quarterback. So far, the only thing all that digging has produced is a grave big enough to bury the Huskies' bowl aspirations. 4. Time — and the Tommies — just keep marching on Don't be late to tonight's big Class 4A prep football playoff game between No. 3-ranked Auburn (10-0) and No. 8 Marysville-Pilchuck (10-0). Herald prep editor John McDonald notes that since neither team throws the ball much, the clock is going to run almost non-stop. Come to think of it, that's also what the M-P Tomahawks have done against all 10 of their opponents this season. 5. Belmont? Isn't that a horse race? The key to early-season success in college basketball is not coaching, talent or preparation. It's scheduling schools only a geography prof can find on a map. If the majority of your fan base has no idea where your opponent hails from, chances are you're going to win. That's why the Closer confidently predicts the UW men's basketball team will be 2-0 after games tonight and Saturday against Wright State and Belmont. Or is that Right State and Preakness? The Closer is not sure. THE WARMUP PITCH We kind of like the old style, coach Ken Bone makes his debut as head coach of the Washington State men's basketball team tonight. He promises to do away with the Cougars' deliberate, defensive-oriented style of play in favor of a more up-temp game. Bone says it's “more entertaining for the fans.” The Closer's not so sure. Three consecutive trips to the postseason were not exactly a snooze-fest, coach. Let's settle this thing once and for all The Meadowdale High School football team is 10-0 for the first time since 1972. That 1972 group was the last Wesco football squad to complete an undefeated season and not win a state title. The state playoffs didn't start until the following year. The Chieftains (Meadowdale's nickname before we went all touchy-feely politically correct) finished second to Wenatchee in the final state poll. The Closer hates a lack of closure in sports so, even those it's been 37 years, it's time for a Wenatchee-Meadowdale showdown. Sure, the players are in their mid-50s now, a little heavier and lot slower, but at least we'll have resolution. We'll call it the first Geezer Bowl. Hey, we recognize you guys Congrats to the Jackson High School volleyball, which assured itself of a top-eight finish at the Class 4A state volleyball tournament by posting a 2-1 record Thursday. Ironically, the Timberwolves traveled 190 miles to Kennewick only to wind up playing Wesco South rival Kamiak in the trophy-clinching match. The schools are 7.5 miles apart. 'Til we meet again Speaking of athletes running into each other miles from home, Marjorie Heard of Glacier Peak High School and Danielle Love of Cascade are bound to have a few close encounters in the coming years after each signed a national letter of intent Thursday with a Pac-10 basketball program. Heard will play at Washington, Love at Oregon. Mr. Positive Mrs. Closer is worried that I've been too hard on pro soccer in my column, so I promised her I would say something positive about the Sounders FC today. OK, here goes: I like the fact the Sounders' season is over. How's that, honey? You think you can win with these guys? Prove it The NBA's New Orleans Hornets fired head coach Byron Scott on Thursday and replaced him with general manager Jeff Bower. The team CEO, Hugh Weber, said that since Bower assembled the roster, he should be responsible for the players' performance. The Closer likes that kind of accountability. Now, if the team continues to struggle, the Hornets will be taking a long, hard look at the guy who hired the GM, right Mr. Weber? CURVEBALLS The wacky news from the word of sports: Really, mom, it was just a joke The UW Web site has a picture of soccer player Alex Kirk in the back of a police car. Kirk, a graduate of Edmonds-Woodway High School, said it was all in fun. She and some friends were taking pictures near a police cruiser on Capitol Hill when the officer invited her to strike a pose in the backseat. Kirk took the officer up on the offer, making her the first athlete in recorded history who actually wanted her picture taken in the back of a police car. Don't (huff) worry, (puff) I'll be there (huff) in a second Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson is in trouble after criticizing the fitness of a referee following a recent Premier League soccer game. He was fined $32,000 and banned for four games. Reminds The Closer of his days officiating YMCA youth basketball. Used to make the calls from a folding chair at midcourt. THE RUNDOWN The Closer saw in today's Herald that prep pigskin prognosticators Mike Cane and Tom Lafferty were 6-0 last week in picking high school games. Inspired by their success, The Closer decided to try his hand this week at predicting the winner in each of the five playoff games involving Snohomish County schools. Here goes: 1. Auburn (10-0) over Marysville-Pilchuck (10-0): Last The Closer checked, Auburn played in the SEC. That's a lot tougher conference than the Wesco North. 2. Jackson (10-0) over Issaquah (7-3): Issaquah snuck up on M-P last year. The Eagles won't have the element of surprise on their side this year. 3. Meadowdale (10-0) over Columbia River (5-5): The Mavericks improve to 11-0 for the first time in school history, an accomplishment that can be matched by the 1972 team if it wins the upcoming Geezer Bowl. 4. Timberline (10-0) over Glacier Peak (8-2): With the way Glacier Peak flies up and down the field — and allows its opponents to do likewise — there is a real chance of injury ... to the stats keepers. 5. Archbishop Murphy (9-1) over R.A. Long (8-2): R.A. ain't Long for the state playoffs (heehee, The Closer cracks himself up). Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Welcome back, old man The Closer was off Wednesday because of a nasty case of the Caballo flu. (Fortunately, my boss no espeake Espanol. He also doesn't know that if the Cinco horse would've come in on the Nueve race, it would've been adios to The Bullpen for El Closer.) The bad news is, I'm back. Deal with it, Prune Face. TODAY'S LINEUP A daily look at the top sports stories in this morning's edition of The Herald 1. How much longer before we can start calling him Senior? The Mariners went back to the old well on Wednesday, and we do mean old. Ken Griffey Jr. looked every bit of 40 last year ... and he was only 39. The soon-to-be-40 Griffey is back for another year. The M's say they like what he brings to the clubhouse, and it wasn't clear whether they were referring to the walking cane or the Depends undergarments. 2. Maybe they should pump Qwest Field crowd noise into their helmets The guys from “Hangover” didn't have it this bad on their road trip to Vegas. The Seattle Seahawks are about as successful on the road as an armadillo with a bad leg. This week's trip to Arizona includes another make-or-break game for the Road Worriers. 3. If only Julius Jones had this much speed Jackson's Alana Pazvic has the Timberwolves in line for another big weekend in the pool. The senior spends so much time in the pool that her textbooks had to be laminated. 4. Unlike the Washington Redskins, they're ready for the next level It's National Letter of Intent week, and several local athletes are ready to put their names on the dotted line. Not sure whether the next Jon Brockman or Grady Sizemore is out there, but college coaches are certainly relieved not to have signed anyone named The Closer Jr. 5. Yeah, but can't they find a few more guys named Locker? The Washington football team has one Kearse and is about to add another. The Closer thinks maybe it's the Curse of Willingham, not the Kearses of Lakewood, that has been the biggest factor with this program as of late. THE WARMUP PITCH Maybe they should lobby to play on a neutral field The only team that might be more disappointed to see the Seahawks traveling to Arizona this week is ... Arizona. The Cards have the same kind of home struggles that the Seahawks do on the road. I'm sure Jim Mora and Co. would be glad to host the rematch at Qwest. This one lasted longer than the McNeeley fight It turns out that the long arm of the law continues to have a reach advantage on Mike Tyson. The Iron One was arrested at LAX on Wednesday — not for impersonating a labyrinth with his face tattoo, but for treating a member of the paparazzi like Evander Holyfield's ear. The Closer is siding with Tyson on this one, because if the story were true, the cameraman wouldn't have any teeth left with which to tell the tale. Because Mike Hargrove and John McLaren were asking for too much money ... The Washington Nationals ended their managerial search on Wednesday, and the winner is ... not Jim Riggleman. The former Mariners boss got the job all right, but he's got about as much chance of winning 80 games as Ken Griffey Jr. does of hitting 40 home runs and driving in 120 runs. His Native American name would be Jon Did Not Play/Coach's Decision Jon Brockman, aka The King of Snohomish, is spending so much time on the Sacramento bench that he's getting hiney sores. With this kind of playing time, he might as well be a member of the Seattle Sonics. But, hey, the Kings have won three in a row, so Paul Westphal must know what he's doing. Weis has had enough “hot seat” talk. Can we please discuss hot dogs? Paging Tyrone Willingham. Paging Tyrone Willingham. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish might be looking for another football coach soon, even though Charlie “Dead Man Walking” Weis is plugging his ears and pretending not to hear the whispers. These guys go through coaches like Jennifer Aniston goes through men (and that's the last time Jenn and Charlie will be mentioned in the same item.) Anyway, Jon Gruden has emerged as the first of many candidates. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ... It's only a matter of time before she's doing reality television New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert has become an international star after her actions on the pitch. She is the most exciting thing to happen to soccer since ... well, Americans turned it into football. The one that got away … and by ‘one' we're talking hypothetically about all big men from the Kent area The University of Washington men's basketball team signed one recruit this week, Bay Area native Desmond Simmons. But the more interesting story was the guy the Huskies' didn't sign. In fact, UW coach Lorenzo Romar wasn't even allowed to utter his name during a Wednesday press conference announcing the Simmons signing. “Four letters … rhymes with Tosh … Shares Emmitt's last name …” Careful, or he might give it all up to join the Birmingham Barons Another Heir Jordan is in trouble with the NCAA. Jeff Jordan plays, then quits, then comes back; must get that from his father. Jeff Jordan is a deep reserve for the University of Illinois; must get that skill from his mother's side. THE RUNDOWN Junior's back ... again. The Closer can't get all that lathered up about the news of a 40-something has-been returning to the dugout. Unless it's Jamie Moyer ... or maybe Demi Moore. Anyway, as long as we're bringing back former athletes, let's just get ‘em all out there. Here are five guys The Closer says should have gotten a one-year deal before Griffey: 5. Marv Harshman: Hey, the guy was a star in two different arenas. He could play for the Seahawks AND the … um, Thunder. Scratch that. The 90-something is probably too old for that kind of travel. 4. Shawn Kemp: Saw The Rain Man a couple years back, and we're thinking he's about ready to take Walter Jones's place. Kemp's got to be three-fifty by now, and he's got enough kids to field an entire defense (and probably one that's more consistent than that group that shows up a Qwest every few weeks). 3. Steve Largent: Hey, the guy wasn't that fast to begin with. He's only gotten more crafty over the years. Trust us here: living in D.C. will bring out the shiftiness in anyone after awhile. 2. The Boz: He can't possibly be a bigger bust. And we're betting he's got better hair these days. 1. Miguel Batista: This guy's so old that you'd probably have to pull him out of a nursing … what's that? He's still playing? My bad. Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com. ... 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Abandoning the run and the running back TODAY'S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in The Herald: Who needs a run game? That's what Seahawks head coach Jim Mora may be asking soon if Julius Jones and Seattle's other running backs don't get untracked soon. Mora admitted that he's not adverse to abandoning the run game and giving the ball to Matt Hasselbeck and letting him throw it 50-plus times like he did Sunday. When reached for comment, tormer Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren had only one word for Mora: "copycat." Road warriors The Silvertips left on their biggest road trip of the season 14 days ago and returned from the east with nine of a possible 12 points. Key to winning on the trip was the goaltending of Kent Simpson and Thomas Heemskerk, who not only saved a plethora of incoming shots on goal, but kept the swine flu at bay as well. Coulda, woulda, shoulda After his team lost Saturday for the fifth time in six games, Huskies football coach Steve Sarkisian says he's feeling more and more like a broken record in his Monday press conference. Hey Sark, don't worry, at least your music is a little softer on the ears than the harsh tones coming from Tyrone Willingham's 12 press conferences last season. Like rusty nails on an accordian. Action Jackson The Jackson High School fall sports teams have had quite a season. From the fourth-ranked football team to the unbeaten boys tennis team, the Timberwolves have been unstoppable this fall and have given their fans a lot of excitement. I don't know what's in the water in Mill Creek but they better start bottling it. THE WARMUP PITCH Steelers feeling a Mile High Pittsburgh defenders picked off Denver quarterback Kyle Orton twice, including one returned for a touchdown, and the Steelers crushed the Broncos 28-10. It was Denver's second big loss in a row and the bloom is definitely off the rose for head coach Josh McDaniel in Denver. All the Seahawks fans can hope for is eight more just like it, since Seattle holds Denver's top pick in the 21010 draft. Bye, bye Larry The Chiefs cut ties with running back Larry Johnson, two weeks after he made disparaging remarks about head coach Todd Haley and made a pair of insensitive slurs on Twitter and to reporters. He'll have to take his diapers and go elsewhere. Doubting Thomas In his first game as Florida International, Isiah Thomas waved the white flag early. The first-year coach spread the floor against No. 6 North Carolina and watched his team lose 88-72 Monday night. No truth to the rumor that after the game Thomas asked if he could trade for Stephon Marbury and a box of Gobstoppers. Blount is back Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount was reinstated by the Ducks on Monday. Blount was suspended by the team for the season after punching a Boise State player following a season-opening loss in Boise, Idaho. Apparently after losing to Stanford this past Saturday, the Ducks felt they needed Blount's pugilistic abilities back on the team. Wildcats feeling Rose-y? The Arizona football team is in control of its own destiny to make the first Rose Bowl in school history, but the schedule down the stretch -- Cal, Oregon, USC -- is a doozy. Just imagine if that fluke interception against the Huskies is what keeps Arizona out of the Rose Bowl. Let's call it the curse of the bubble screen. CURVE BALLS Traveling signs Redskins owner Dan Snyder has banned all kinds of signs from Washington games, including ones that disparage him and head coach Jim Zorn. So what did Redskins fans do? They picked up and took their show on the road. The Washington Post's Dan Steinberg caught up with a few fans who traveled to Atlanta to wave their placards in peace at the Falcons-Redskins game. The Closer doesn't blame Skins fans. He even had his Zorn/Largent 2012 sign taken away when he was at FedEx Field. You call that a riot? They sure know how to riot Down Under. During a recent Australian Football League match, police arrived on the scene of a riot that was 500 people deep, some of whom were armed with spears and axes. And The Closer thought Lakers fans were bad. Sheesh. It's gotta be the shirt Well I guess this is what you can get away with wearing after helping the Yankees win a World Series title. The Closer can only wonder what Damon wore after helping the Red Sox break "The Curse." THE RUNDOWN The Closer takes a look at the five most interesting landing spots for Larry Johnson. 1. San Francisco 49ers. There's little doubt he'd get a very chilly welcome by the home fans. 2. New England Patriots. Bill Belichick has taken on reclamation projects before (Hello, Corey Dillon) and he's not afraid of combustible personalities (Hello, Randy Moss). 3. Buffalo Bills. Johnson and Terrell Owens together at last. There's a reality TV show in there somewhere. 4. Oakland Raiders. We all know how much Al Davis loves talent over character. Plus he's got Tom Cable there to keep Larry in line. 5. Seattle Seahawks. Can LJ jump start the Seahawks' run game before Jim Mora waves sayonara to it all together? We'll likely never know since Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell is about as likely to pick up a head case off waivers as Paul Allen is to bounce a check. Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldent.com. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Of silver Lions and linings TODAY'S LINEUP A rundown of the top sports stories in today's Herald: Bad start, good finish For the Seahawks, Sunday's game began with a flood of turnovers and ended with a game-clinching one. Cornerback Josh Wilson picked off Detroit's Matthew Stafford with 22 seconds to play to secure Seattle's third win of the season. There were a number of bright spots in the win, including the play of linebacker David Hawthorne and QB Matt Hasselbeck, but The Closer wants to see this team to beat a team that doesn't have fans wearing paper bags over their heads. Dynamo-a-go-go home It's was more of the same as the Sounders FC battled Houston to a scoreless draw in regulation again Sunday, a week after doing the same in Seattle in Game 1 of the Western Conference semifinal. But this time Houston cashed in during the overtime, beating Seattle and sending the Sounders home for good. Fox Sports is replaying the game tomorrow, but The Closer would rather peel his fingernails with pliers before "rewatching" 90 minutes of scoreless soccer. Good luck, FSN. A silver lining for the Purple and Gold Herald writer Scott M. Johnson writes that even though the Washington Huskies football team has been mired in a 1-5 stretch, with a number of the losses being of the breaking-of-the-heart variety, there are a number of good things to take away from this season, including the maturation of a number of young pups and the experience the coaching staff has gained. Of course a large part of that silver lining could go walking out the door if these stupid NFL draftniks keep talking up Jake Locker. WEEKEND REWIND A look at the stories you missed while raking leaves in a driving rainstorm Cardinal wins The Stanford football team did what all Huskies and Trojans fans wished their teams could do: beat Oregon. Toby Gerhart ran for a school-record 223 yards in a 51-42 win over the Ducks Saturday that had fans smiling from Los Angeles to Seattle. Praying for Best Cal running back Jahvid Best was taken off the field on a stretcher after catapulting over a pair of Oregon State defenders on Saturday and landing hard on his head. Best was released from the hospital Sunday and will miss the remainder of the season. Golden Bears fans prepared for the ... worst. You knew it was coming. BCS movement Alabama leapfrogged Texas to No. 2 after beating LSU on Saturday and the TCU Horned Frogs moved up two spots to No. 4 in the BCS standings released Sunday. Basically if Texas wins out it'll earn a date with the SEC championship game winner in the National Championship game. And all the fans of mid-major teams will commense the pulling of their own hair and the picking up of their pitchforks. Sunday's best New Orleans and Indianapolis remained unbeaten with come-from-behind wins on Sunday and Tampa Bay joined the land of the winning with a victory over stumbling Green Bay. San Diego shocked the New York Giants with a last-second pass for a touchdown and the Arizona Cardinals destroyed the Chicago Bears and brought out the worst in one Bear in particular (see video below). All Seahawks fans can relate; they've wanted to take a swing at the back of a Cardinals helmet for some time now. Cowboy up! Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys took over first place in the NFC East with a stirring victory over the Philadelphia Eagles Sunday night. Poor Philly fans. First the Phillies lose to the Yankees in the World Series and now this. All The Closer can say is watch out Kris Kringle. It may be a car battery you get beaned with this year. And the young men will lead them ... Tyreke Evans scored 23 points and the Sacramento Kings beat the Golden State Warriors Sunday night, improving to 3-4 on the season. The King of Snohomish County, i.e. Jon Brockman, collected three rebounds in five minutes of play. Hey Kings coach Paul Westphal, don't make me extrapolate that over an entire season again. Browns want Big Show Apparently the Cleveland Browns want Mike Holmgren to run their team. It's funny because a lot of Seahawks fans want the same thing. CURVE BALLS Governor Duds Former Trail Blazer Chris Dudley is running for governor of the state of Oregon. Whoever is running against Dudley may want to contact Shaquille O'Neal and see if he can get some advice. A parade down Identity Theft Street During Friday's parade to celebrate the Yankees' 27th World Series championship, confetti rained down on spectators out to cheer on the glory that is A-Rod and Derek Jeter. Well, confetti and a bit more. Apparently when office workers in the surrounding building ran out of confetti, they started showering the streets with confidential documents. Because nothing says Yankees championship like stealing money. THE RUNDOWN There's a number of low-post threats that The Closer would love to see dunk on the ninnies in Olympia, but here's his list of the top five former Seattle athletes he'd like to see running this ship. 1. Jay Buhner. Governor Bone has a nice ring to it. 2. Shawn Kemp. No Child Left Behind would undoubtedly be his top priority once in office. 3. Gary Payton. If he didn't run as Kemp's "assist"ant, The Glove would assuredly steal the election 4. Brian Bosworth. The Boz would make sure that the sciences were well funded. 5. Steve Largent. This could actually happen (Dave Krieg of course as special council). ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Griffey, Lincecum and a local coach's close shave TODAY'S LINEUP The top sports stories from today's edition of The Herald: 1. I'm all for accountability ... as long as it's not my fault Let's see, Seahawks head coach Jim Mora has assured the media and fans that the problem with his struggling NFL team is not effort, injuries or attitude. OK, Jim, guess that leaves just two things: talent or coaching. Which should we blame? 2. Wear do I sign up for that job? The Mariners are talking with Ken Griffey Jr.'s agent about the possibility of the 40-year-old DH returning next season. It appears money and playing time are not issues for Griffey, who said near the end of the 2009 season that he would like to come back. Those wouldn't be issues for the Closer either. If anyone wants to pay The Closer a few hundred-thousand bucks to sit on the bench, crack jokes and hit rookies in the face with shaving-cream pies, he's in. 3. The hairless Warrior Congratulations to the Meadowdale High School girls soccer team and the Edmonds-Woodway volleyball team. Both clinched state-tournament berths with victories Thursday night. E-W's win cost head coach Mike Pittis his 40-year-old mustache. So, coach Mike, what are going to shave if the Warriors win state? 4. He's playing even it he's on crutches After suggesting all week that QB Jake Locker might not play against UCLA on Saturday because of a deep thigh bruise, University of Washington football coach Steve Sarkisian on Thursday suddenly pronounced Locker healthy. “He ran really well,” Sarkisian said. “I expect him to play.” To what do we attribute this miraculous healing? The Closer thinks the credit goes to the 0-8 record of Locker's backup, Ronnie Fouch. 5. Ahhh, the good old days Speaking of the Huskies, they play against their former coach Rick Neuheisel on Saturday. Neuheisel left the UW under a scandalous cloud following the 2002 season. Asked about the messy divorce, Neuheisel said this week “I only remember the good times.” By “good times” he means his win over Purdue in the 2001 Rose Bowl and his victories in the 2000, 2001 and 2002 office basketball pools. THE WARMUP PITCH We'll chuckle the next time he throws a ‘high fastball' Ex-Husky and 2008 NL Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum has been cited for possession of marijuana after he was pulled over last week while driving just north of Portland, Ore. Police say he was doing 74 in a 60 mph zone in his Mercedes. Mariner fans have long wondered why their team passed over Lincecum in the 2006 draft to take Brandon “I'm starter, no, I'm a reliever, no, make that a starter” Morrow. Could it be they now have their answer? Hitmen vs. the Hitman The Everett Silvertips play the Calgary Hitmen tonight, a team that's nickname suggests political correctness slams on the brakes at the U.S.-Canadian border. Of course, the Tips have a hitman of their own. His name is Radko Gudas. Check him and his teammates out in this video. It's pronounced ‘Smith' Washington State safety Chima Nwachukwu won't play in Saturday's football game against Arizona because of a bad ankle. The news is being celebrated by the Wildcats' play-by-play announcer, who wound up on the disabled list with a sprained tongue the last time he tried to pronounce Nwak ... Nachwa ... Nogga ... Forget it. I've got you're back, Mr. Snyder Washington Redskins defensive coordinator Greg Blache has come to the defense of team owner Dan Snyder, who has been under fire for his team's poor performance in recent years. “The problem is the fans don't get to know Mr. Snyder like we do,” Blache said. Here's what Blache knows: Snyder is a gazillionaire with a history of overpaying his employees. If Snyder were the Closer's boss, the Closer would be sucking up to. Best seat in the house, and it comes with a uniform Last year, freshman Brendan Sherrer of Monroe cheered on the UW men's basketball team from the front row of the student section at Hec Ed. Who could have guessed that Sherrer would actually improve his seating arrangements this winter? Sherrer made the UW team last week as a walk-on. Granted, he's not going to play much, if at all, but at least he no longer has to paint his chest purple and gold to get a good seat. Be careful what you wish for, Brendan Sherrer said he would have loved to be able to bang bodies with former Husky Jon Brockman, who was known for his aggressive play and bone-crunching elbows. Sherrer's dentist and his ear-nose-and-throat guy would have loved that, too. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ... Money player A University of Montana student who kicked a 45-yard field goal to win $10,000 in the school's “Kick for Cash” contest on Saturday may not get his prize. UM officials say because Matthew Brenner played organized football in the previous five years, he was not eligible to collect the money. They're trying to come up with a consolation prize. If the guy can kick a 45-yard field goal under pressure, The Closer suggests giving him a football scholarship. Quote of the day Best quote from today's Sports section of The Herald comes from Seattle Seahawks defensive coordinator Gus Bradley, who, in emphasizing the importance of doing things right, told lineman Patrick Kerney, “Don't keep pounding a bent nail. Pull it out, hit it straight and do it the right way.” Guys, guys, wouldn't it be smarter just to get a new nail? THE RUNDOWN Ken Griffey Jr. may be on the verge of returning for one more season with the Mariners. Once Griffey retires, he'll go directly onto The Closer's Former-Seattle-Athletes-I-Miss-Most list. As it stands right now, here are the top five: 1. Steve Largent. The Seahawks' Hall-of-Fame wide receiver was tough, dependable and humble. He set a slew of NFL records during his 14 seasons. Asked late in his career which record was his favorite, he responded: “The White Album, by the Beatles.” 2. Dan Wilson. The Mariners' classy catcher was a solid defender, a solid hitter and a solid community member. You can't ask for more. He retired following the 2005 season and the Mariners are still looking for someone capable of filling his shin guards. 3. Edgar Martinez. The Closer misses the former Mariner DH's consistent bat and his entertaining accent. Loved to hear Edgar talk about beating the “Jankees.” 4. Sonny Sixkiller. The Closer's favorite Husky football player of all-time. Not only was he a great passer, but he had the best name for a QB of all time. 5. The Seattle SuperSonics. Miss 'em all. Bob Rule, Spencer Haywood, Lenny Wilkens, Dennis Johnson, Jack Sikma, Gary Payton ... Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com. ... 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Five athletes the Closer doesn't want to see celebrating a championship TODAY'S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in this morning's edition of The Herald: 1. Still waiting on The Franchise … the Carolina Panthers' Franchise, that is University of Washington football coach Steve Sarkisian still hasn't decided whether quarterback Jake Locker will be available for Saturday's game at UCLA, but Sark doesn't want to let the decision linger until game day. Locker is nursing a deep thigh bruise, although it has not prevented him from practicing this week. The Closer suggests that the Huskies shut him down for the season, tell all those NFL scouts that he's out 10 months, then let Locker come back for his senior year. It might be UW's only chance of keeping him. 2. It's only a matter of time before Mill Creek secedes to become a Kenyan territory The Jackson High School boys' cross country team is becoming a bit of a dynasty, and yet the Timberwolves enter this year's state meet with a bad taste in their mouths. No. 1-ranked Jackson took second at state last year. For the record, The Closer ran in that race and finally finished last weekend. 3. That's it: fire the coach already The Everett Silvertips' perfect road trip hit a road block on Wednesday night, when the Tips finally lost a game. Rumor has it that Craig Hartsburg got a few coaching tips from Jim Mora before the game. 4. Can't believe that it's come to this The Seahawks are so desperate that they're starting to turn to ex-Huskies for help. After cutting Edgerrin James earlier this week, the Seahawks hope that Louis Rankin can give them a spark off the bench. If their bad luck continues, they may be looking toward Jake Locker to give them a spark as the No. 3 overall pick in the 2010 draft. 5. If only Central Washington was in the Pac-10 The Washington men's basketball team started its season Wednesday night … sort of. The Huskies throttled the Central Washington Generals 73-49 in what was being called an exhibition game. You know, kind of like those old Harlem Globetrotter games were “exhibitions.” (And speaking of the Pac-10, did anyone notice that UCLA barely escaped an NAIA team last night?) THE WARMUP PITCH Just like M's fans wanted: a Japanese player earning World Series MVP It was just like old times in the Bronx. Andy Pettitte outdueled Pedro Martinez in Game 6 of the World Series, leading the Yankees to a 7-3 win and their 27th title. Hideki Matsui was named MVP, which legitimizes the Mariners' constant signings of Japanese stars. Turns out they just didn't get the one that mattered. The best part, for the Yankees, is that NYC fans have agreed to stop calling for Joe Girardi's head … for 24 hours. In this league, 40 is the new 30 The league that plays no D saw two stars break out for 40 points or more on Wednesday night. Kobe Bryant was up to his old tricks, dropping in 41. Miami's Dwayne Wade had 40. Jon Brockman? Well, he had one rebound and two fouls. Raiders not ready to cancel Cable bill Who knew that Snohomish homeboy Tom Cable would become the most-talked-about figure in sports? And not for the right reasons. Well, here's today's news, and it keeps getting worse. Apparently, Cable will have to keep working as Raiders coach. Who's up for a NASCAR salary cap? The Earnhardt team is close to adding one of racing's most recognizable stars, but that might mean having to install another bathroom at the JR Motorsports facility. Danica Patrick is reportedly close to signing on with Junior's race team. She's the first racer who's contract won't be paid in chewing tobacco. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ... He was aiming for Plaxico Burress Another athlete has shot himself in the leg, which begs the question: if handguns were chicken pot pies, would the sports world be able to single-handedly end world hunger? The Dodgers' Vicente Padilla was this week's … um, victim. Somewhere, Tommy Lasorda is rolling over in his pasta. “Bet” you won't see this item on NBA.com Disgraced former NBA ref Tim Donaghy has been released from jail, and I wouldn't want to be his next door neighbor. The Gambler already started popping off even before the cell bars opened for him. The Closer is just wondering who'll show up at Donaghy's doorstep first: Kobe Bryant holding flowers and chocolates, David Stern offering a muzzle, or some guy named Guido with a bulge in his sports jacket. Next, they'll be picketing in Pullman for tarnishing the Cougar's reputation PETA has taken aim at Spurs guard Manu Ginobili, whom the animal-rights group would like to swat around like a flying bat. Ginobili already underwent rabies shots after going all Dikembe Motumbo on a bat earlier this week, and now PETA wants him to take a few injections from their ice picks. Ginobili's reaction? He apparently flopped on the floor and cried foul. THE RUNDOWN So A-Rod finally got his title. Can't say that The Closer wasn't all that thrilled to see The Fraudulent One get his long-overdue reward. But there are other champions who would be even more painful to watch. Here is a look at five other former Seattle athletes who The Closer absolutely could not bear to see get a ring: 5. Jarrod Washburn: Nice guy, but this whole “I forgot how to pitch, but I'm sure to remember when it's a contract year” thing really wore us down. If the guy turns back into Cy Young after signing with a contender, it's going to hurt like a fastball to the ribs. 4. Jerramy Stevens: As a member of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jerramy Stevens ain't going to the Super Bowl any time soon. But should he ever get back there, the least he could do is tick off the opposing team's baddest linebacker, drop a few passes and choke away the opportunity ... just for old times' sake. 3. Yuniesky Betancourt: Something about his M's career brought back memories of Carlos Guillen. Of course, Guillen went on to become and All-Star and turned the Detroit Tigers into an immediate contender. Let's just hope Betancourt doesn't have a similar wakeup call in KC. 2. Steve Hutchinson: His free-agent departure was even shadier than the one that took A-Rod to NYC via Texas. The Minnesota Vikings' carefully written contract had all sorts of stipulations that all but guaranteed he wouldn't come back to the Seahawks. It was the kind of contract that Bernie Madoff might have cooked up. What was even more appalling was the fact that Big Hutch signed it. 1. Kevin Durant: As much as we love the kid, we hope he spends his time in OKC watching the postseason on television and begging Clay Bennett to trade him to a real NBA city. Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Time for Seahawks to do a team makeover A daily look at the top sports stories in this morning's edition of The Herald: 1. Three down … fifty to go The 2-5 Seahawks started the purging on Tuesday, letting go of long-time running back and short-time Seahawk Edgerrin James. In a span of 24 hours, the Seahawks have released three veteran players. That's a start. As long as the injured guys aren't on the chopping block, we say take an ax to everything but the kitchen sink (and maybe Aaron Curry). 2. It must not be the cowbells The road has turned out to be a pretty good place for the Everett Silvertips, who won their fourth consecutive game Tuesday night. Coach Craig Hartsburg is looking into making the team bus a full-time living facility. 3. Maybe they should've tried snow tires The Sedro-Woolley High School football team didn't have much success running the ball against Everett High on Tuesday night. The Seagulls' defense held S-W to 31 yards on 27 carries, which roughly translates to about a millimeter per carry, en route to a 41-6 victory in a postseason play-in game. 4. Next, they'll sign someone named Roberta Bonds to a letter of intent The UW women's basketball team is using the weight room to try to get to its eventual goal. After last season, that goal might as well be ninth place in the Pac-10. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. THE WARMUP PITCH Yeah, but will Clemens be available for Game 8? The World Series resumes tonight, which means the Impatient-ation Highway will have to put off its who-will-start-Game-7-for-Philly debate for a couple of hours. Actually, they might as well bag it once and for all. With Andy Pettitte taking the mound in The Big Apple, Game 6 is about as big a lock as the one on the front of Fort Knox. Meanwhile, in the league known as No Basketball Anymore … The Celtics, Nuggets and Suns are the only remaining unbeatens in the NBA, and Dallas forward Dirk Nowitzki went off for an incredible 29 points in the fourth quarter. But The Closer is more concerned with what's going on in the city of kidnapped franchises. Don't look now, but the Oklahoma City Stolen Thunder are looking like contenders. A 2-2 record includes Tuesday night's overtime loss to the defending champions, a game in which OKC's Kevin Durant may well have outplayed the Kobe One. Does this mean they're already on the bubble? The good news in Central New York is that the Syracuse men's basketball team typically peaks at the right time. The bad news? The Orange ain't got no place to go but up. After losing to Division II school LeMoyne on Tuesday night, Jim Boeheim's bunch isn't even the best basketball squad in the 315 Area Code. When is Rony Seikaly's son going to be eligible? But now he has to play with Larry Johnson The Kansas City Chiefs made a successful waiver claim on San Diego castoff Chris Chambers, who wasn't unemployed long. If the 1-6 Chiefs could only make successful waiver claims on DeSean Jackson, Larry Fitzgerald and Matt Ryan, they might be on to something. Now he knows how millions of Native Americans feel about the nickname Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder said he was “disappointed and embarrassed” by his team's performance this season. Funny, that's what 2 million Washington fans have been saying about Snyder for years. CURVE BALLS The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ... It's hard to see the replays with all those fingernail shavings in my eyes The Georgia running back who clearly had his eyes gouged out by Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes has no ill will toward the clawed Gator. Then he climbed up on turnbuckle, opened his cape, and did a Triple-Flying-Bulldog Knee Slam on top of Spikes' head. At least he's broken out of his hit-less slump, which is more than she can say Gossip girl Kate Hudson may or may not be engaged to A-Rod. What's certain is that she knows how to keep her name in the news no matter how long it's been since she made a good movie (that was 2000's “Almost Famous” for those of you scoring at home). In 20 years, maybe they'll get running water, too Ole Miss is trying to become New Miss. The University of Mississippi has started discouraging fans from celebrating the state's racist past. The Closer thinks it's a step in the right direction, except the rest of the country already ran this marathon years ago. What every Cameron Crazy dreams when his eyes close at night Archbishop Murphy graduate Brendan Sherrer has gone from the stands to the center of the action after emerging from a tryout and earning a spot as a walk-on for the UW basketball team. No word yet on whether he'll officially change his name to Rudy. And Terrell Owens has a few suggestions for the Cowboys, too As if Tom Cable didn't have enough troubles. Now he's getting support from an unwelcome source. Former Raiders coach Lane Kiffin is giving Al Davis unsolicited advice. If Cable had to make a list of people he wants commenting on his job status right about now, Kiffin probably would rank somewhere behind Randy Hanson. THE RUNDOWN In honor of Edgerrin “We Hardly Knew Ya” James, The Closer got to thinking about some of the past Seahawks whose previous stops were a bit more memorable than their quick trot through the Emerald City. Here are a few former champions who, remember it or not, played for the Seahawks: 5. Ryan Leaf: Before he was an NFL bust, he was a Pac-10 champion. After he was an NFL bust, he was a Seahawk … for about a month. The Wazzu legend signed with the Seahawks, then retired on the eve of his first Eastern Washington University training camp (can't blame him for not wanting to spend a summer in Cheney, can you?). 4. Carl Eller: OK, he wasn't technically a champion — unless you count his four NFC titles as a Minnesota Vikings defensive lineman. Eller made one last stop on his way to the Hall of Fame, and during his short tenure in Seattle he abused enough substances to make Jimi Hendrix step away from his fire. 3. Mark Rypien: Desperate for quarterback help one training camp, the Seahawks sent a car from their EWU dorms to Rypien's Spokane-area home. The former Super Bowl MVP was all too eager to come out of retirement, but he was so out of shape that the Seahawks politely requested that he go back into it. 2. Jerry Rice: Steve Largent wasn't even the best receiver to play for the Seahawks. But the Jerry Rice that Seattle got in 2004 was so spent that he was about as nimble as Jeri Rice, the downtown Seattle clothing shop. 1. Franco Harris: The former Pittsburgh Steelers star barely had enough time for a cup of Seattle's Best Coffee. After just four games with the Seahawks, Harris went back into the immaculate retirement. Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
The Hurt Locker, The Eagle and The Chase TODAY'S LINEUP A look at the top sports stories in The Herald: Victory and valor Herald writer Scott M. Johnson's three-part series on the 1947 Everett Junior College football team and the men who made up its ranks finishes today. In the final part of the series, the Evergreen Bowl concludes and Scott takes a look at what some of the men ended up doing after their playing days were over, including Archie Van Winkle, a Darrington High grad, who went on to earn the Congressional Medal of Honor after serving his country in the Korea War. The Closer thought it was nice to be able to shed a few tears over something he read in the newspapers instead of something he read about the newspaper industry. The hurt Locker UW head coach Steve Sarkisian said Monday that quarterback Jake Locker may be forced to sit out Saturday's game against UCLA due to a deep thigh bruise. With all the trouble Rick Neuheisel is having down in L.A., where he's got the Bruins off to an 0-5 start in the conference, the Huskies may be OK with Ronnie Fouch behind center. Plus how nice would it be to show up his old “mentor” by beating him with a backup. Of course The Closer thinks that's all a crock. He hasn't seen a smokescreen this obvious since ol' Billy B. in New England claimed Tom Brady was “questionable” for the entire 2007 season. Mora the same Seahawks head coach Jim Mora was repeating inspirational quotes again Monday, a day after his team suffered another loss on the road and dropped to 2-5 on the season. At this rate, Mora's going to be in a rocking chair on his porch repeating the phrase “We're going to find out who the strong people are real soon.” over and over again under his breath. Walk on, brother Former Archbishop Murphy post player Brendan Sherrer was the only walk-on added to the University of Washington men's basketball team roster. Huskies head coach Lorenzo Romar said of Sherrer: “He's got size and that is something that will help us when practicing.” Yeah, that and carrying Isaiah Thomas' bags. THE WARMUP PITCH Phillies aren't dead yet Chase Utley hit two more home runs, tying Reggie Jackson's home run mark in a World Series, and the Philadelphia Phillies hung on to beat the New York Yankees 8-6 Monday night. The Series heads back to New York for Games 6 Wednesday night, and a possible 7 Thursday night. The most interesting topic after Monday's game was the possibility of Utley being named MVP even if his team loses. That'd be fitting. Alex Rodriguez has the postseason of his life and the losing team has the MVP. Saints hang on The Falcons made a late charge, including a perfectly executed onside kick by Western Washington alum Michael Koenen, but New Orleans denied Atlanta and won the Monday Nighter 35-27 to remain unbeaten at 7-0. You're just lucky you don't have the Seahawks on your schedule this season, Saints fans. Browns GM sleeps with the fishes Cleveland Browns general manager George Kokinis, the hand-picked GM of first-year head coach Eric Mangini, left the team under unexplained circumstances on Monday, a day after the Browns dropped to 1-7. Kokinis, who was rarely seen or heard around Browns' headquarters, was reportedly escorted from team headquarters. The Closer won't be a bit surprised if Mangini, who once made a cameo on The Sopranos, is fitted for a pair of cement shoes soon. CURVE BALLS Sponsor the best After losing its sponsorship last week, the U.S. Olympic Speedskating team got a surprise from late-night host Stephen Colbert, who stepped up and made “Colbert Nation” its new sponsor. For a surprisingly touching moment, watch the video below: Feeling Ducky The Closer will never be mistaken for a University of Oregon fan, but even he had to admit that what Chip Kelly pulled before the USC game on Halloween was pretty fantastic. (Watch below). Now if Steve Sarkisian can just jump on King Redoubt and ride him into Husky Stadium to the cheering masses, The Closer will die happy. THE RUNDOWN In honor of Stephen Colbert's sponsoring of the U.S. Olympic Speedskating team, The Closer came up with the top five sports he'd most want to put his name to: 1. Curling. Any sport that can incorporate brooms is right in The Closer's wheelhouse. 2. Biathlon. Again any sport that can mix skiing and shooting a rifle sounds like the perfect sport for The Closer. 3. Luge. The Closer wouldn't mind substituting the sled for a barcalounger, but you get the point. 4. Skeleton. The forward luge has the best name in sports — hands down. 5. Ski jumping. In honor of Eddie Eagle. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment
Bats, centaurs and Sea-chickens ... oh my! THE STARTING LINEUP A rundown of the top sports stories in today's Herald: Scary stuff For the second straight season, the Seahawks went down to Dallas and got whipped. Sunday's loss to the Cowboys — a 38-17 snooze-fest — made Seattle 2-5 and put it right on track for another disappointing season. After the game, Seahawks head coach Jim Mora preached accountability to his troops, saying to his players, “It starts with you.” Hey Jim, it may start with your players but if things don't change it may end with you. Whatever you can do ... A day after his mate between the pipes, Thomas Heemskerk, shut out Red Deer, Silvertips goalie Kent Simpson stopped 37 shots to lead Everett to a 2-1 shootout win over the Edmonton Oil Kings Sunday night. The Closer loves the good goaltending, but he's not sure even these guys could stop Guy Laflere's disco madness (more below). Legends from a long time ago Herald writer Scott M. Johnson tells the story of the 1947 Everett Junior College football team, made up mostly of WWII veterans, and its big game against Santa Rosa Junior College in the first-ever Evergreen Bowl. The first two parts of the three-part series can be found here and here, and look for the final part in Tuesday's paper. The Closer tried writing a 15,000 word story on his time playing for a junior-college football team, but the only warfare he encountered was in the lunch room. THE WEEKEND REWIND A look at the big sports stories you missed while handing out candy to 19-year-olds in hockey masks: Baseball Well the Yankees ruled the weekend, beating the Phillies on Saturday and again on Sunday to take a commanding 3-1 lead in the World Series. Maybe it was this that turned the tide against Philadelphia. Whatever it was the Yankees could do no wrong -- and that included the Alex Rodriguez, who used to seem to be allergic to October. Rodriguez hit a home run in Game 3 and knocked in the go-ahead run in Game 4 to lead the Yankees and finally earn his $250 million. Maybe it was because he found his inner Centaur. College football Halloween was a big night in the college game, with Oregon exposing Southern Cal and Texas whacking Oklahoma State. The Longhorns leapfrogged Alabama to No. 2 in the BCS standings, though it matters little to the Crimson Tide because they can secure a spot in the National Championship game with a win in the SEC championship game. Oregon moved up two spots and now sits one spot behind No. 7 and undefeated Boise State, which will likely continue to be a heated debate as the Ducks slog their way to a Pac-10 title. When arguing between the merits of two teams who faced each other earlier in the season, The Closer for one has always sided with the one who ended up victorious. He's crazy like that. Oh and the Cougars lost, but you knew that. NFL Brett Favre was booed in his return to Lambeau Field Sunday afternoon, but it was the ol' Gunslinger who got the last laugh, beating his former team and helping the Vikings take control of the NFC North. The Closer isn't sure what Vikings head coach Brad Childress dressed up as for Halloween to inspire the troops, but he does know is won't top what he wore on the trip to Pittsburgh a few weeks ago. In other action Sunday, Denver finally lost, Vince Young made his triumphant return to the Titans lineup and Peyton Manning and the Colts remained unbeaten. Oh, and things continue to get worse for Oakland, where the coach has as much off-field baggage as the players and the receivers run the ol' Down-and-out rout to perfection: Auto racing NASCAR did its best to curtail the dangerous driving at Talladega Superspeedway this weekend, but things didn't work out. Cars were flipped, bumpers were engaged and the sparks were flying Sunday afternoon, and when the smoke cleared (literally) Jamie McMurray, who isn't even in the Chase for the Cup, was the last man standing. Jimmie Johnson's lead grew by 184 points and his grip on the No. 1 spot remained firm with three races to go. The Closer doesn't know why NASCAR is trying to put an end to the flying-upside-down-in-a-state-of-the-art-stock-car crashes that make these races bearable. CURVE BALLS Batsketball It was only fitting that a bat would terrorize an NBA game on Halloween, but the black, winged creature had no idea that Spurs guard Manu Ginobili was an Argentinian bat-slayer. Watch the video below and enjoy: The new Spike Lee Former Knicks guard Stephon Marbury held true to his word and recently went to a New York home basketball game, sat in the front row and started filming the game. Marbury was filming the game to put online later, but he was kicked out for having the wrong ticket. Just like most of his shots, Marbury was just a bit off the mark. Duke rhymes with puke Former Blue Devil and current Orlando Magic guard J.J. Redick is reportedly going to release a rap album. Oh boy, what's next? Adam Morrison sings the blues? THE RUNDOWN The top five worst athlete-turned-musician ventures: 1. Carl Lewis. The sprinter hits all the wrong notes in this song. Description: "He runs, he jumps, he ... sings? 2. Deion Sanders. Prime Time tells you what it MUST be about: 3. Kobe Bryant. Lakers star takes a turn at the mic ... safe to say he should stick to his day job. 4. Shaquille O'Neal. The big man was a rapping sensation early on in his career. And by sensation, The Closer means failure. 5. Guy Laflere. The Canadiens star hockey player released a disco record in the 70s. That about sums it up. ... [Read More] E-mail | Print | Comment |
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