One of the most frequently asked holiday etiquette questions involves the practice of re-gifting. So I asked my readers recently if they thought that taking a gift they had received and passing it on to someone else was prudent or just plain rude.
I’m in the prudent camp. Despite what some might think, re-gifting isn’t (or shouldn’t be) miserly. We all get gifts that aren’t suited to our taste, but are still perfectly nice items for somebody else. Re-gifting allows you to give those presents to people who might enjoy them.
Of course, not everyone agrees with me. Here are some comments from readers who think re-gifting is unacceptable:
* “I would never re-gift because I believe in karma and it’s not good practice. Because someone gave you a gift you did not want, that is no excuse to pass it on to someone else.”
* “Gifts should make someone feel special. It is tasteless to risk doing otherwise.”
* “If it’s the thought that counts, the re-gifting thought is ‘I can’t be bothered to consider your tastes, and I’m giving you something that doesn’t even suit my tastes, but I don’t care what you think of me; so I guess that tells you what I think of you.’ Nice message.”
Here’s what proponents of re-gifting had to say:
* “I have absolutely no qualms about doing this; it saves us all from perpetually contributing to the destructive grind of consumerism.”
* “I don’t feel that re-gifting is rude so long as the gift is unused, unopened, and not expired. Sometimes when I receive a gift, it’s not always the case that I don’t like it. I usually end up realizing … that I have an abundance of the item or I end up not having a use for it.”
* “I am a strong advocate of re-gifting. It’s like the old adage – one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
I’m certainly not going to settle this debate. But for those of you who plan on re-gifting this holiday season or for another occasion, you can learn a lot from re-gifting gone bad. There are as many awful re-gifting stories as there are soap gift baskets that get, well, re-gifted. Here’s just a sample of some I received:
* “My husband’s friend gave us a wedding gift with a card at the bottom of the box – a card she had overlooked that made it obvious that it was a re-gift.” The lesson here: Be sure to remove all evidence of a previous giver.
* “I received a recycled gift from a close friend. I was a little taken aback. My friend’s birthday is coming up soon, and my gut feeling is not to make an effort to hunt for a meaningful gift for her like I would normally do.” The lesson: If there is even a slight chance the person being re-gifted might be offended, don’t do it.
* “A good friend was once sent a birthday re-gift from her sister: A dirty sweater with a lollipop stuck right on front.” The lesson here: Don’t re-gift an item that is dusty, dirty or used.
* “I have a set of in-laws who are notorious for re-gifting. It’s gotten to the point where I know I’m going to get back what I give them. My mother-in-law gave me a nightgown one year that I had given her almost six years prior.” Lesson: Please take precautions not to give a gift back to the person who gave it to you.
* From the same reader came this: “When my husband graduated from VMI (Virginia Military Institute), he gave his father a ‘father class ring,’ something he paid a lot of money for and meant a lot to him. Last Christmas, much to our horror, my mother-in-law gave the ring to my husband’s brother, right in front of us. She said that since the ring did not fit his dad, he didn’t want it. My husband was so upset.” The lesson here: Examples like this give re-gifting a bad name. “It’s never a good idea to re-gift a one-of-a-kind present, especially if it was made for you,” says the Emily Post Institute.
I’ll leave you with these comments from the reader with the terrible re-gifting in-laws: “I want to add that I do re-gift,” she wrote. “I have a closet full of beautiful items. This is a wonderful way to have something to give someone for a last-minute present, housewarming, baby shower, anniversary, birthday, etc. Just be sure to be polite about it and show some common sense. Unfortunately, none of my in-laws possess these traits. Hmmm … wonder what I’ll get this year. Maybe I’ll give them money.”
Now that’s a gift I don’t think many people would have qualms about getting back.
Washington Post Writers Group
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