By Alicia Crank / Herald columnist
Recently, I posted a question on social media that asked, “What is something that should be normalized?”
There were myriad answers, from universal health care and unconditional kindness, to mental health care and women being in control of their own bodies. Funny ones like “crying in baseball,” and more somber ones such as “not drinking.” I rarely have a particular answer in mind, but once I challenged myself to answer my own question, I realized my response would require some additional explanation.
I want to normalize losing.
We are set up as a society to only have one winner, be it in sports, pageants or politics. We recruit, encourage or desire to have as many people as possible as part of these competitions. The majority will not be successful by design, but I submit we haven’t set up a supportive system around losing. We tend to laud the winner and chide the losers. Losing is bad.
But is it?
“It’s not just about winning or losing, but to learn about teamwork, learn about sportsmanship, learn about discipline. The value of working together for a common goal. Have the emphasis on fundamentals, not just games.”
— Erik Spoelstra, head coach of Miami Heat NBA team
I’m going to focus on politics and running for office in this case, as by the time you read this, you should have (hopefully) voted in the Aug. 1 primary election. As voters, we are choosing one person to win, and thus for the others to lose. Harsh, but true.
Losing, on the surface, feels bad for candidates. However, the loss doesn’t have to mean the end. The loss could have several positive outcomes, from learning more about how the process works, connecting with members of the communitywho didn’t have an opportunity before, and/or helping you gain or build upon your skillsets.
I, myself, am a four-time loser in running for local office (three elections and one appointment process). It does not feel good to lose, then go for something again with the same surface result. The sacrifice of time, work and privacy can be enormous. Asking for people to financially support your campaign can be taxing, and a feeling of guilt can overwhelm you for not being victorious. The attention you may have received from others who encouraged you to go for it can turn into vapor. Sometimes, the losers are left to silently commiserate with one another while watching all the winners showered in public praise.
Some of you, however, may be surprised that I saw victory in the losses. Personally, and professionally.
“Winning and losing isn’t everything; sometimes, the journey is just as important as the outcome.”
— Alex Morgan, U.S. soccer player, San Diego Wave
Not at first, mind you, but eventually. Every time I lost, I became more well known in my community. Recognizable while running errands around town, having people walk up to me and start meaningful and conversations. I became a better public speaker, as well as a better listener. I became a voice that people wanted to hear from.
During these losses, my career trajectory became upwardly mobile. As a connector, I could now help others in ways I never had the opportunity to before. Earning levels of respect from those who I before could only see from afar, as well as being able to seek an audience with decision makers. Invitations to speak at fundraisers, professional development conferences and regional networking events continue to come in. While I originally focused on being a voice and advocate in my town, I now get to be a voice and advocate for the region. Had I won, my footprint would be much smaller than it is now.
None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been the loser.
“There are more important things in life than winning or losing a game.”
— Lionel Messi, U.S. soccer player, Inter Miami CF
So how do we normalize losing? Maybe we should begin by not treating it as a four-letter word. There are positives that come from not being the textbook definition of a winner. There is so much more to it than that. At times, taking a loss in itself is the win.
A couple of months ago, I had the honor of moderating a book discussion with Megan Carle at Town Hall Seattle about her new book, “Walking Away To Win: A Playbook to Combat Workplace Bullying.” While the book focuses on the workplace, a lot of what she writes about can be applied to other parts of our lives. Megan, having spent nearly 30 years at Nike, achieved her dream job as vice president/general manager of North American Basketball. By all accounts, she was winning! Yet, she decided to walk away from a toxic work environment. Some thought this made her a quitter or a loser, but instead her walking away was a major win in taking back control of her life and ambitions.
I challenge all of us to bring civility and value into winning and losing.
Alicia Crank lives in Edmonds. Email her at alicia@aliciainedmonds.com.
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