Forum: If we want Trumpers to turn from him, show them grace

By Dan Hazen / Herald Forum

The first time I heard the phrase “saving face” was in the 1980 television mini-series “Shogun.” It turns out to be a complex concept, not rooted in Japanese culture like I thought, but finding independent expressions across many cultures. In our culture, it’s come to mean finding a way out of an otherwise humiliating situation with some dignity.

I have never been a Trump supporter, but recently I began to feel pity for him.

This is due entirely to listening to his own voice, in Bob Woodward’s “The Trump Tapes,” coversations between Trump and the journalist during his presidency. I can’t emphasize how unhinged, out of step with reality and clinically self-involved he sounds. There’s no spin. No editing tricks. No fake news or conspiracy. Just his own, chilling and embarrassing attempts at self-promotion through nonsense and lies. His need to have things appear the way he imagines them to be is truly pitiful. A petulant child. Think Joffrey Baratheon from “Game of Thrones.”

So now, after enduring that, and after his fourth indictment, I feel it necessary to explicitly call on Trump supporters to acknowledge the error and move on. But for that to happen, I think the rest of us must allow them to save some face.

This will not serve all Trumpers. There will, of course, be those who have become so ensnared in the cult that they will go down with the ship. I’m talking about otherwise reasonable people who, in the early days, were bewitched by the promise of radical reform. The Trump Trap closed on their hands, raised in praise, and slowly pulled them in. These are people who developed doubts, became anxious, and realized that something was wrong only after they were committed. People for whom abandoning their Trumpism will mean a loss of respect and possibly relationships.

I think most of us have found ourselves in a card game where we’ve made a significant bet but soon realized we’re in over our heads. Our thoughts quickly turn to, “How do I cut my losses?” In cards, the answer comes in mathematical calculations, probabilities and basic economics. In cults, the answers are not so easy. We’re not trading in measurables. The metrics are about identity and belonging. How do you know if you should just go “all in” with your dignity or fold and lose all your friends?

I’m suggesting that we make it easy. Just eliminate the dilemma. If the “rock” is staying asleep inside the Trump Nightmare and the “hard place” is enduring the shame and ridicule of waking up, we can eliminate the latter. Grant them amnesty. We could do it like this:

Friend, I know you thought the arrogant, self-righteous elites would be put in their place. You could feel it in your bones! Those rich bastards who never worked a day in their lives were gonna be brought down a notch, and we were going to get back to basics. Things would be set right. I know you’re not a “hater.” I know you just wanted people who play by the rules to be treated fairly. I know. I feel some of the same things. But here’s the deal: Sometimes it’s just more complicated than that. Sometimes our desire for a good thing burns so brightly that it blinds us to tricksters, and they get one over on us. It’s usually when we want something good and noble and righteous that we’re most vulnerable to tricks.

You don’t have to give up the values just because a con man used those values to rob you blind. Admitting that Trump is a malignant narcissist who has no respect for our beloved constitution does not make you “woke.”

You don’t have to ride this out. I’m not ashamed of you. Let it go and come back to this complicated reality where the solutions aren’t simple, where the “good guys” don’t look like we expect, and the “bad guys” sometimes look just like us. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I won’t call you names. Let’s just shake hands and figure out how to clean up this mess … together.

Dan Hazen is the community pastor at Allen Creek Community Church in Marysville.

Herald Forum

The Herald Forum invites community members to submit essays on topics of importance and interest to them. Essays typically are between 400 and 600 words in length, although exceptions for longer pieces can be made. To submit essays or for more information about the Herald Forum, write Herald Opinion editor Jon Bauer at jbauer@heraldnet.com or call him at 425-339-3466.