Injuries, illness and a missing arm

TODAY’S LINEUP

A look at the top sports stories in this morning’s edition of The Herald:

1. Trufant, Hill return to practice in time for bye week

The Seahawks got two of their top defenders back in time for their most beatable opponent of the season. With cornerback Marcus Trufant and linebacker Leroy Hill back in the fold, the Seahawks have emerged as a 1½-point favorite against Sunday’s opponent, BYE.

2. At least he’s old enough to drive himself to the clinic — barely

The Silvertips’ prized rookie, 16-year-old Ryan Murray, will miss four to six weeks because of a broken thumb. Funny, when The Closer was 16, and he got his first major injury (a black eye, but only because I never saw her left hook coming), nobody thought to put that in the newspaper.

3. It’s just like Fuhr and Moog … or Fuhr’s and Moog’s grandkids, anyway

Speaking of the Silvertips, they’ve been using two goaltenders this season. No, not at the same time. … Although, now that you mention it, we might be on to something here.

4. If it doesn’t work out, there’s always the NFL

Sounders goalkeeper Kasey Keller, 39, said he’d like to return for a couple more seasons. Hey, Brett Favre and Junior Seau did it, and they actually have to run and get hit by something bigger than a soccer ball.

THE WARMUP PITCH

And in Philly, Santa Claus has finally shed the ‘goat’ label

First the Tampa Bay Devil Rays go to the World Series. Then the Arizona Cardinals are Super Bowl-bound. And NOW Alex Rodriguez is a postseason hero? The Big Apple’s favorite target of abuse did it again Tuesday night, powering the Yankees to a 10-1 win over the L.A. Angels to put the Bronx Bombers within a game of the World Series. Does this mean Carlos Silva is due for a hero’s welcome in Seattle next October?

It’s just Manny being … clean Manny

Those Philadelphia fans who may have screamed “Manny stinks!” were way off base during the latter innings of Monday’s NLCS game. That’s because the Dodgers’ Manny Ramirez was cleaning up in the showers rather than watching his teammates try to pull out a Game 4 victory. Is it just The Closer, or were you also shocked to hear that The Dreadlocked One actually showers?

With all those masks, we thought Jon Brockman was back

The University of Washington Huskies returned to the basketball court on Tuesday — most of them, anyway. Because of a flu bug, the Huskies had just seven players available, and some of them were wearing masks to protect themselves from the virus. Is that why all those UW students were seen losing their cookies while watching the UW football team try to play defense for the final five seconds of Saturday night’s loss to ASU?

And in Denver, they’re saying: “Jay who?”

The Chicago Bears are so enamored with their quarterback after six weeks that Jay Cutler has been given a two-year, $30 million extension. Hey, the Denver Broncos loved Cutler after six weeks, too. He’s the one you date … Kyle Orton is the one you marry.

The Seahawks offered Varitek and Lowe for Joey Harrington

Another NFL trading deadline came and went without about as much action as a Gosselin anniversary dinner. Former WSU receiver Brandon Gibson was involved in the only trade, getting shipped to St. Louis for a journeyman linebacker. The Closer thinks the most important addition of the week could be the “new” receiver who’ll be suiting up for the 49ers this weekend.

CURVE BALLS

With that gray beard and noodle arm, he actually looks more like Kerry Collins

Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher lost another game over the weekend, and apparently he lost some sort of bet, because the veteran coach showed up for a fund-raiser wearing his most feared opponent’s jersey. In crew, it’s the winner who gets to take the loser’s shirt off his back. In the NFL, apparently a 59-point loss is enough for the reverse effect.

‘I swear, if one more guy asks for Super-Sized fries …’

Apparently, the Burger King drive-thru isn’t the only place where an employee gets paid to take guff from idiots. A basketball player in the Philippines, who plays for a team called Burger King, got a bit “shake’n” up when a fan heckled him and is now suspended for the rest of the season. It’s kind of like if Robin Ficker ever sat courtside at a game that involved Ron Artest. It’s also why The Closer does his heckling from the upper deck, thank you.

He would’ve given an arm and a leg for a birdie

Apparently, sand traps are the least-worrisome obstacle on some golf courses. A man in South Carolina had his arm bitten off by an alligator when he reached into the water for his ball. Other than a lack of time, money, interest or athletic ability, this whole gator thing is the biggest reason why The Closer doesn’t play golf.

An unhappy ending for ex-Seahawk

Diehard Seahawks fans might have a soft spot in their hearts for a man named Terreal Bierria, a former starting safety who struggled on the field and had an even worse time off of it when his hometown of Slidell, La., was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Now Bierria’s sad story has gone from bad to worse after news that the ex-player is being charged with murder.

THE RUNDOWN

Another day at the ballpark. Alex Rodriguez hit another postseason homer to lead the Yankees to another postseason win. Yawwwwwwn. Things certainly have turned around for A-Roid since he came clean with his, um, little problem with the needle. Here are five other guys whose postseason reputations could use a, shall we say, shot of something:

1. Marty Schottenheimer: The former NFL coach was one of the best … when the pressure was off. Come playoff time, he couldn’t win a game against Little Sisters of the Poor. First Cleveland, then Kansas City, then San Diego. Same promising start, same unfullfilling finish.

2. Tracy McGrady: The scoring machine was finally part of a postseason success story last spring. Problem was, he was sitting on the bench nursing an injury while his Houston Rockets teammates got within a game of the Western Conference Finals. The bad news for Houston fans is that Yao and Artest are gone, and Four-and-Out McGrady is back this season.

3. Tony Romo: Calling this guy Mr. October would have nothing to do with Reggie Jackson. The Cowboys quarterback has about as much success in December and January as Jessica Simpson does on the big screen. Maybe now that she’s out of the picture, Romo can actually win a playoff game.

4. Patrick Marleau: For those of you whose only hockey experience involves cowbells, it goes like this: the San Jose Sharks are the Cleveland Browns of the NHL. Their playoff runs are so short that not even the stubble on their chins has time to grow. Marleau and the Sharks tank every year, and things hit a new low last spring, when they followed up the best regular season in the NHL with another quick bow-out in the playoffs.

5. Bob Stoops: Think football fans in Oklahoma are impatient? Consider the fact that Stoops is under fire despite a 109-25 career record. Problem is, he’s 4-6 in bowl games, including three losses in a row. And one of those losses (excuse the snickering here) came against our neighbors to the east. Ian Johnson, we still love ya.

Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com.